TRIUMPH OF SPIRIT IN LOVE, NATURE & ART

Author Archive

Image

Christmas Blues

Dedicated to all those sick, lonely, destitute…  anyone who feels blue this time of year…
P1140651_edited-1


When Words Have Gone

P1140695_edited-1

White birch

P1140639_edited-1December Reflections

P1140635_edited-1In the woods


A Medical Warning to the Medicated– Trigger warnings

We who are mentally ill are at the mercy of our psychiatrists.  They throw pills at us hoping to help us.  Okay, to be fair, some pills DO work.  At one point in my life, they kept me out of the mental hospital.  But sometimes they don’t.  I have been ailing for months and my general practitioner could not find anything wrong despite constant low grade fever, three or four migraines a week, faintness and dizziness.  He never called me a hypochondriac.  The thermometer did not lie.  But I felt he thought me a complaining nuisance.  My psychiatrist was mystified!  He should not have been.

Miraculously, for some reason, out of the blue, I remembered years ago, when the psychiatrist first put me on Zyprexa, never being more sick so often than when I went on it.  I googled “Zyprexa side effects” and found fever, faintness and dizziness as side effects, especially when combined with other drugs I am taking, prescribed by said psychiatrist.

Zyprexa IS a miracle drug psychologically.  It DID help me over come much, but definitely not all, anxiety.  It DID stabilize my moods better than anything before since I cannot take typical mood stabilizers.  Recently, though, the physical symptoms have been taking a toll on my life.  I have found it hard to keep up friendships.  I became housebound due to feeling ill.  I found it hard to keep up with the blog and haven’t been posting like I used to, nor able to read nearly as many posts of people I love to follow.  Maybe some of you noticed.   Maybe not.  In desperation I finally told my psychiatrist that I wanted to get off Zyprexa.  He was all for it due to side effects of serious weight gain and a propensity towards diabetes.  Why had he not told me to get off it before???

Well, two days into withdrawal, I am nauseous and have flu-like dizziness and weakness.   And I am nursing a husband who has bronchitis.  I have started the withdrawal and intend to try to continue.  Trying to figure out just what was going on, I googled “Zyprexa withdrawal.”  Guess what?  Flu-like symptoms, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, all for an indefinite length of time.  I only decreased the dosage by one half a pill, 1 measly milligram, and am having this hard of a time.  I will have to go through this again when I decrease the other half dose.

Why don’t doctors know about ALL the side effects of the pills they prescribe???  And why don’t they warn the patients of the withdrawal possibilities???  I have been on Zyprexa for 10 or so years.  So this will be heavy duty withdrawal.

We who are mentally ill must suffer not only symptoms but the opprobrium of our friends, doctors and all who come in contact with us.  It is not just the mental illness we suffer from but side effects from the medications as well.

In part, I blame myself.  I should have been more informed.  I should have questioned the doctors.  I should have googled symptoms earlier.  I should not have blindly trusted my psychiatrist.  I should have remembered back to a time when I had health.  But I didn’t.

A warning to all those Schizophrenics and Bipolars out there or anyone else whose doctor is thinking of putting them on Zyprexa, MAKE AN INFORMED DECISION!  Discuss the costs and the benefits, not just the benefits.

And if you are on Zyprexa and want to go off it, tell your doctor first!!!  Don’t do it on your own!!!  Abrupt withdrawal can be fatal.  Yes, fatal, as in dead.

And to my followers, I am sincerely sorry for not always responding, visiting or reading your posts over the past few months.  Have no idea how this is going to play out but it has to be.  I will do what I can.

Love always,

Ellen

 

 

 

 

 

 


Home Sweet Home

How horrid to be homeless

for

home

is

shelter

safety

security

P1140678_edited-1Like this home

for creatures from the deep

P1140665_edited-1


Giving Thanks to the Animals

RSCN2627_edited-1

On the day those in the U.S. set aside for giving thanks, I thank God for the animals who have led me on a higher path in my life.  Animals have been among my best teachers.

HAPPY DAY OF GRATITUDE TO ALL!

P1100277_edited-1

edited horses (2)

P1080623_edited-2 copy

Scan2_edited-3

(Dedicated to Duchie and to Ko-Ko)


Moonset

 RSCN2903_edited-2

The hush

of  predawn

in which

the moon

silently

surreptitiously

descends

into the black hole

of the tail end

of night

*

A similar moment

years ago

 in my arms

as she struggled to breathe

already half the battle

over

 one prick of the needle

 instantly limp

a hushed end

to a soulmate

our baby

*

Why can’t we

too

go this way

as softly as

a moon setting

in the whisper

of predawn

of a new day?


“Awareness of Awareness”

My friend, Tiramit, over at DhammaFootsteps.com sent me a reference to the wonderful video on awareness…

To see it, CLICK ON Inner Medium.com.

Don’t be fooled by the cartoon nature at the introductory beginning of the video.  All kinds of experts on consciousness are interviewed, from academics to a homeless man, from a Self-Realization monk to a race car driver, from a scientist to a business man and from a guru to artists and a  psychic.  All speak on thinking, Awareness and consciousness. It ends with Sri Mooji, whose retreat in London I am attending online for the next 5 days.  This video is a perfect segue into the Self-Inquiry process Mooji teaches.

Meantime, till next post, enjoy the beautiful Fall!

P1120536_edited-1


Musical Apology

Temporarily out of commission, sorry to miss your posts, I offer you beautiful Madhuri Dixit dancing for the equally beautiful Shahrukh Khan, a visual fantasia…

P.S. Disregard any note you may get about video not being available for public, just click on link.


Mystical Vibrations

DSCN2953_edited-1

 

The reverberations of love

Jump across time and space

To another receptive heart

The reverberations of suffering

Resound around the earth

Picked up by open souls in prayer

The reverberations of aum

Most sacred of sounds

Pulse through our minds in meditation

Love brings the possibility of loss

Suffering brings a totality of pain

Aum brings the reality of God within

 


THANK YOU!!

Going to take 5 days off in the country to regroup and hopefully return to health and to celebrate my husband’s birthday.  Will try to read posts but may not have adequate reception.

Meantime to thank all of you I leave you in good company with good thoughts…


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,750 other followers