The Line is Dead
She’s finally gone
after fighting for life for
6 months of painful half-life
and multiple causes of death.
*
Gone is my last link
with Grandma and Grandpa
and happy days in Larchmont,
Grandpa playing the mandolin,
me dancing,
and Grandma cooking
unimaginable treats.
Happy days in Larchmont,
the Larchmont one weekend
Aunt Nina and I revisited
with our respective spouses
and cried tears of nostalgia.
*
Aunt Nina died Saturday,
the last of the LaMannas,
the aunt who knit the best-ever
Christmas stockings for
my brother and sister and me
which I still drag out every year.
The aunt who let me
play with her jewelry
in her blue bedroom
in Larchmont
with light that slid in
through the venetian blinds
and danced a jitterbug
atop Renoir prints,
with twin beds
covered in puff-ball bed spreads,
kept so clean by Grandma and
Aunt Nina wanting to sleep
and me pestering her to play.
*
Aunt Nina took me home once by taxi,
back to the city I hated
when I was sick.
She nursed me on the ride
And said “hang in there”
and held my hand
as I said to her a month ago
as she lay shriveled into a ghost
of her former self.
*
Gone are the days
of spaghetti and meatballs,
Arancini and sugar cookies,
wine and mandolin,
chewing gum in the desk,
watching at the windows
with Grandpa, as evening
fell all around.
Days of Big Grandma Castiglione
in her light-filled, white-tiled,
lace-curtained, one-room apartment,
with holy water font
and the smell of steam
in the yellow kitchen.
*
Gone are the days of
visiting Nina as she raised
her two “adopted angels”
as they were called,
and, who, with my uncle, she crafted
into two magnificent children
and later had four grandchildren
who adored them both.
Larchmont repeated.
*
Gone are the days of
visiting Aunt Nina in Kent, CT
and later in Danbury,
now much older and
with my husband whom
Aunt Nina and Uncle Ray
welcomed with open arms
and grew to love,
my husband of almost 24 years
who never knew this love as a child
and so does not know its loss.
*
Gone are the days
of a phone call
every few weeks,
Aunt Nina always seeming
happy to hear my voice as
she exclaimed “Ellen!”
as we talked about problems:
difficulties in the best of marriages
the downhill spiral of my Mom
after Dad died,
Nina giving support while
my husband and I cared for Mom
during her difficult path to death,
Aunt Nina listening to me recount
the downhill spiral of my brother
as he spent 3 years
dying of lung cancer.
And we talked of our
problems with anxiety
and later of her sorrow and fears
as her friends were dying
and she was fighting Parkinson’s,
bravely shouldering through every day.
*
Gone are the days
of pasta salads and olives
and prosciutto and provolone
as Aunt Nina and Uncle Ray
visited our little barn upstate,
where we laughed and laughed
in the Memorial Days sunshine.
*
Gone gone gone
my Italian heritage,
the last of my blood elders.
Aunt Nina was there
For 63 years,
All of my life
and all I can do
is cry
and try
to imitate
her admirable character.
For the Lord giveth and
the Lord taketh away
but why such pain
when he taketh away?
*
Because love grew
year by year
visit by visit
phone call by phone call.
I did thank her,
before the end began,
in a foresightful note,
telling how great an aunt she was.
God put the thought in my head,
and for that I am grateful,
for now it is too late
for now the line is dead.
MOONSIDE 
Oh, Ellen, I’m so sorry. What an absolutely beautiful eulogy and memoir. Your wonderful heritage lies always within you. I, too, had a zia Nina.
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April 22, 2013 at 11:39 AM
Thank you, Paul, on both counts. Was unsure while writing in grief. You are right and I hadn’t thought of that but the wonderful heritage is within. So we both had Zia Nina’s– funny.
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April 22, 2013 at 11:45 AM
My condolences.
May you always remember and celebrate her life.
Jennifer
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April 22, 2013 at 11:49 AM
Thank you so much, Jennifer!
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April 22, 2013 at 11:50 AM
I’m just so very sorry!!
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April 22, 2013 at 11:49 AM
Thank you, Kathy, for your note here and your beautiful email! xxx ellen
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April 22, 2013 at 11:51 AM
Moving poem. I was right there with you mourning and celebrating her life.
From God we come and to God we return.
You were so blessed to have her in your life. And she was so blessed to have you in her life.
xo
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April 22, 2013 at 1:56 PM
Thank you so very much, Genie! You are right– we belong to God. I hope she was lucky to have me because I certainly was blessed to have her!!
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April 22, 2013 at 2:44 PM
How I could feel your aching heart. It was at that moment, my aching heart. Your memories will carry you through. I know this because of how beautiful and loving they are. You were all blessed to have each other.
Love ya
Yisraela
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April 22, 2013 at 3:37 PM
Thank you so much, Yisraela. This is why I haven’t been following blogs much or posting until today. Will get to yours soon. xxx ellen
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April 22, 2013 at 7:06 PM
Ellen
It’s ok. I understand more than you might imagine. Take your time and be well. Ok?
with love
Yisraela
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April 22, 2013 at 7:15 PM
A moving tribute. I’m so sorry for your loss, Ellen.
Peace, Arjun.
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April 23, 2013 at 3:13 AM
Thank you so much, Arjun. Dear friend, I am going to your site right now to reread your poem, hopefully with more concentration. I so appreciate your writing.
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April 23, 2013 at 8:40 AM
My deepest feelings of condolence.
I’m so sorry to hear.
We don’t stay on this earth for a long time,
but we make deep friendships while here.
These friendships are of the few things that transcend this life.
And we remain connected
whenever, and wherever we may go.
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April 23, 2013 at 7:23 AM
Thank you so very much, Bert. You knew from the beginning and now you know the ending. I am very grateful that you are there as a friend across the ocean. It is hard to feel the ties that live on after someone goes. But every once in awhile there’s a greeting from the other side.
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April 23, 2013 at 9:05 AM
This is so beautiful, thank you for sharing your heart. I’m am so sorry for your loss!
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April 29, 2013 at 12:37 PM
Thank you and I am so sorry for yours!!!
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April 29, 2013 at 3:16 PM