It’s been a long, hard time since I wrote. But unlike the bird above I was not alone, thank the Lord. Beloved husband was at my side. I have thought of many of you and wondered how you’re doing, if you’re still blogging. Kit, Running Elk, Bert, Paul, Michael, Sue, Palestine Rose, Joshi, Ashley, Didi, Val and so many others. I check my hundreds of blog emails unread and see you are. Have not only not been blogging but not reading the blogs either. Been sick, selling our barn, moving and withdrawing from a major benzodiazepine, Klonopin, a “benzo” as they are called. My doctor got me addicted to it. And, while selling the house I took extra because it was so stressful and I had to function no matter how sick I was. Now I am paying the price. Withdrawal is at a snail’s pace and fraught with physical and psychological symptoms. It seems futile to be angry with my doctor. He didn’t force it down my throat but he did dispense a very dangerous drug. This is one of the seldom talked about pitfalls of being mentally ill.
The house is finally sold and all the headaches with it. We will miss the nature and our home in the depths of it. I have lost my inspiration. My muse. Pictures were everywhere. Now in New York City there is so much stimulation I cannot even see images to capture. But in many ways it is good to be here. Although I remain sick and sick at heart with what is happening to our country, even so, my husband and I are blessed to have each other. But today, with the March for Our Lives, I finally have new hope. Perhaps the new generation can succeed at peace where we have failed. Perhaps the world can stop destroying itself.
And finally now, at last, I can find time now to look within. I continue to follow Sadhguru and his Inner Engineering. That is my priority now. So I don’t know if I can go back to blogging as I used to. Inspiration is at zero. But at least I hope to visit sites now and again. Let me take this opportunity to say hello and happy Spring to all of you!
MOONSIDE 
Its good to hear your voice 🙏 although I am sad that you have been through so much. May the shedding of old places and ways support you in transitioning into New York and the life that is ready to unfold for you both together. Hugs to you. xo
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March 25, 2018 at 1:44 PM
Hi Val, Thanks so much for your good thoughts. Good to hear YOUR voice and hope to be better at keeping up. xx ellen
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March 25, 2018 at 8:48 PM
Thank you Ellen 🙏
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March 26, 2018 at 2:14 PM
Dear Ellen,
Life is not easy and changes all the time. I am happy to see you again here and hope that after having sold the house that you get used in your new surrounding. I am glad also that you have a husband at your side who supports you very much in your difficult situations.
I wish you much strength and courage to cope with the new situation.
From heart to heart
and all good wishes
Didi
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March 25, 2018 at 2:30 PM
From heart to heart, Didi, thank you for your good wishes!! Hope you are well and hope to catch some of your posts. Many thanks, Ellen
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March 25, 2018 at 8:45 PM
Dear Ellen,
Yes, I am fine, nothing to complain 🙂
When thoughts are coming that wish to push you down, try to think of good things, surrender yourself to God, so to give attention to postive things, train this every day – this may possibly help you. May God help you, my friend.
All good wishes
Didi
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March 25, 2018 at 11:36 PM
I’m sorry to hear you have been through so much, Ellen. I hope you will soon feel settled in your new home and all will go smoothly for you.
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March 25, 2018 at 2:38 PM
Thank you so much, Catwoods! Your wishes are much appreciated. So nice to see you.
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March 25, 2018 at 8:43 PM
Dearest Ellen
So sorry to hear that you have been through the mill, and back…
Urgh! Doctors! So easy to hand out their pretty little capsules, and wash their hands of the responsibility for the whole person. You deserve so much more, dear heart. So happy that you and Thomas find such strength in each other.
Fully appreciate how much you will miss the old place. I have such a strong image of the special places there, both through your images and your writing, and it must have been a wrench to have to leave them behind. New York must have its special places, too. Hope you can find some, at least, despite the overload of the place, and in their finding you may find the inspiration of their muse.
Think of you often. Thank you so much for the update. Stay strong, dear one. Sincerely wishing that today’s new hope can remain with you a little, and in it may you find some peace of your own.
{{{Hugs}}} ❤
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March 25, 2018 at 7:46 PM
Thank you so much, Dear Running Elk!! What a lovely note!! I haven’t been keeping up. How are YOU faring? There was a hint of some hard times, too. Yes, I am seeking peace. And really hoping Sadhguru can bring me there. Hope you are okay, Dear Running Elk. Much love, ellen
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March 25, 2018 at 8:42 PM
Very well, Ellen. The turning of the season always helps. 🙂
Good to hear that you are still working with Sadhguru. Always good to find a touchstone that we can work with, and feel empowered by it. 🙂 xx
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March 26, 2018 at 8:36 PM
I’m so glad you brought us up to speed – you’ve been through quite an ordeal and I pray for your peace of mind in your ew setting
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March 25, 2018 at 11:06 PM
Thank you, Paul. I wondered about you especially so many times. You are an inspiration to me. I am sorry you can’t write as much anymore. But so glad to hear you are getting the recognition you so well deserve. Thanks for the prayers. I pray for you, too.
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March 26, 2018 at 9:20 PM
Hi Ellen
No need to actually close the blog, just leave it as it is, or edit some of the posts if you like but don’t close it. If it remains open, many people in your following will respond when you have something to say. That’s a good enough reason to leave it for now, take a rest and see how you feel after the storms have passed…
T
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March 26, 2018 at 12:13 AM
Thanks, dear Tiramit, for your vote of confidence. I will keep the blog open and see what happens though I have zero inspiraation. Hope you are doing okay and are painting away.
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March 26, 2018 at 9:23 PM
Lovely to see your name pop up again, Ellen. I know a little from your writings of the struggles you have faced, but these latest ones must be so hard to handle. I am glad you have your husband to share them with. Ithink ou have far more strength tan you give yourself credit for.
I remember being uprooted from the north and moving south. It is still a lovely lace, but I could not really ‘feel’ it… it wasn’t ‘home’… until I realised that the land itself knows no such boundaries as nrth and south. The earth beneath my feet is the same here as a few hundred miles away… even when it is covered with concrete. xx
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March 26, 2018 at 2:33 AM
Thanks so much, Sue. This is so true. The concrete obscures nature but it is here. Just the other day a bird sang at our window. Somehow the spirit feels boxed in here but we just have to find a special place where it can flow… How is Ani? Hope things are good with you and I will get back to reading…xx ellen
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March 26, 2018 at 9:27 PM
Ani is Ani… no change there, Ellen, as mad as ever, if a little greyer round the muzzle. 🙂
Nature is always with us, even the the bustle of the city seems to overshadow it sometimes. You’ll find a place where you can remember that xxx
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March 27, 2018 at 2:07 AM
So glad to see you so warmly received as you surface with such evocative images, Ellen. Perhaps you’ll find inspiration in Riverside Park where I often explored with my camera. Best of all you will find gifts of love from all these wonderful comments.
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March 27, 2018 at 12:41 AM
Yes, you are right. Riverside Park is right near us. And as for the comments, yes, you are right and I feel very blessed. These are such good and encouraging people. I feel humbled by the response. Took a peek at your work. Glad to see you still going stronger than ever!! Thank you for dropping by, Cheyenne!
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March 27, 2018 at 3:53 PM
So good to see you here, dear Ellen. I’m sorry things have been so difficult for you. These are beautiful images and I’m sure you’ll start ‘seeing’ things in your new environment after a period of adjustment. Sending love and hugs. x x x
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March 27, 2018 at 2:38 AM
If I see anything it will be influenced by your eye IF I am so lucky. Good to see your work again as great as ever and to hear from you!! Thank you so much!! xxellen
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March 27, 2018 at 3:49 PM
☺ x o x
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March 28, 2018 at 7:10 PM
Amazing pictures and hope you get to capture different things on your new journey 🙂
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March 30, 2018 at 10:23 AM
Thank you, Joshi. Looked at a few of your pictures that I missed. Amazing… as always. Your portraits are so very wonderful!! You have great people to photograph. But you would find the beauty in faces wherever you went.
xxellen
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March 30, 2018 at 10:22 PM
Good to see and to hear from you.
I will miss the pictures from your sheep, and nature. Beautiful egret. Having lived in the city for 7 years, i know how it feels to be disconnected. And that park, just in front of our then apartment, well, it’s something, but it is definitely not the same.
In the city I liked the skies, they were the same, if one finds the open space.
Now there are other subjects for photography and art and ….
Have the most wonderful day.
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April 10, 2018 at 3:42 AM
Bert, I am so glad to hear from you. Yes, you are right on both counts. There are other subjects for photography in the city and we, too, have a park across the street. But it is definitely not the same!! I am looking for a roof top, any place with a wide expanse of sky for staring at the sky always brought me to ecstasy. You have a wonderful Spring. xx ellen
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April 10, 2018 at 5:32 PM
Ellen, I send you my love and hold you in my prayers for healing. Beautiful photos. The city, even the suburbs, can be overstimulating. Honestly, I find the cacophony of the birds in my small suburban backyard too much in the spring.
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April 10, 2018 at 4:55 PM
New York City has always overstimulated me. I must meditate and chant to deal with it. So far it is an uphill battle. We live near housing projects and not the best people hang out there but also near the river and the park. I do love the diversity of the city but it is not always safe. Of course, neither was the country but there were different dangers there. Thank you for liking the photos. I am reading your book and enjoying it very much. Love and prayers to you as well. xx ellen
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April 10, 2018 at 5:45 PM