The ER

Chest pain
shaky and
light in the head
go to bed
at 3 AM
pain in chest worse
down the arm
in the neck
to wake my husband
or not
decide not
decide to lie there
and see what happens
but first
write him a note
of my undying love
which he finds in the morning
when I am surprised
to find myself awake
husband says to the ER
urgent care center
doctor there says ER
despite finding a normal EKG
I say NO
husband says YES
another taxi
to hell
get sent to “geri”
and wait
sitting on top of
sick people
afraid husband
will catch something
I in tears with fears
of being in this
overcrowded, overheated,
festering inferno
with screams
in the background
a man lying on the floor
after an hour or so
can take no more
tell husband
he says
even he is spooked
I will never go back
not there
and this supposed to be
an advanced country
how dare we look down
on the developing world
with our pants down.

28 responses

  1. Hilda Alfonso

    Horrible. I hope all is better now. I’m less afraid of dying than I am of a hospital stay. Be well!

    Liked by 1 person

    January 15, 2017 at 7:33 PM

    • Exactly, Hilda.  I totally agree.  And we have good reason.  This was Mt. SINAI by the way.  Have been to St. Luke’s for Tom and that was better.  Though not by much.  Lenox Hill is supposed to be decent for an ER but not as good a hospital as Columbia Presbyterian.  Tom and I have discussed this a lot.  I’m OK now thanks.  Let’s hope we ALL can stay away from hospitals!!


      January 15, 2017 at 9:32 PM

  2. Oh, Ellen! I hope you’re ok. x o x o x

    Liked by 1 person

    January 15, 2017 at 7:50 PM

    • Thanks, Ashley, I’m OK and very glad to be in my home!!!  Try to stay away from hospitals!  Hope you’re okay.  Had the feeling you were having a hard time recently.  ♡ ellen 


      January 15, 2017 at 9:35 PM

      • Oh, I’m so relieved you’re ok!
        I’m fine but I don’t cope very well with the summer in Sydney. It makes me very lethargic.

        Liked by 1 person

        January 15, 2017 at 9:46 PM

      • I hear it has been extremely hot there this summer.  I hate summer here, too.  Take care, Ellen ♡


        January 15, 2017 at 10:10 PM

  3. Thanks for this report from the ER. Awful experience but how it has opened our eyes to the tragedy of what happens to people in urgent circumstances. Hard to believe, the rug swept away from beneath our feet, and realising this is what it’s like for those in the developing world. You could say we are still a developing country, have not mastered the skill of having compassion for those who are suffering…

    Liked by 1 person

    January 15, 2017 at 8:24 PM

    • Even though this ER was horrible, the staff were actually good, even somewhat compassionate, considering they see suffering non-stop.  I often think of those in hospital when with friends having a dinner or having a good time on a holiday because so many are in hospital, I have visited my parents in hospital at Thanksgiving and Christmas, a particularly poignant time.  Whether here or, even more so, in the developing world, these places of death and disease are awful.  But you know I realize, that my experience was heaven compared to those in the refugee camps who are sick and dying.  A walk in the park compared to those in Iraqi hospitals and clinics.  And there are so many other places of suffering. How very, very blessed to be home.  Thanks for your perceptive perspective.


      January 15, 2017 at 9:50 PM

  4. You’re right about staff in emergency room, indeed all nursing staff everywhere; having that quality of compassion is a requirement for this profession. It’s a reminder too that the sick and dying lying helpless in an understaffed hospital in Third World conditions becomes a reality for us, when we have an opportunity to experience it for ourselves.

    Liked by 1 person

    January 15, 2017 at 10:32 PM

  5. Yes, Tiramit, you are right. How true that is about everything but particularly about being sick. You have a lot more compassion when you have experienced it yourself. And even then one forgets… Why is compassion so hard to feel and judgement so easy? It seems to be a limitation of mind. Mooji promises that following his path the heart can open. This is what we are seeking. The open heart.


    January 15, 2017 at 10:55 PM

  6. Glad you are okay, Ellen x

    Liked by 1 person

    January 16, 2017 at 2:49 AM

  7. a hospital nearly killed me – never again – I’ll die where I live

    Liked by 1 person

    January 16, 2017 at 6:43 AM

    • Oh, I am not surprised, Paul. And I think I can totally understand your feeling. That is what I wish also for you, for me, for anyone who wants it. Thank you for visiting and for your comment.

      Liked by 1 person

      January 16, 2017 at 8:48 AM

  8. Glad you’re OK, Ellen – that sounds horrible.


    January 21, 2017 at 3:02 AM

  9. Thank you, Richard! Wasn’t fun but could have been much worse.


    January 21, 2017 at 5:20 PM

  10. I hope all is well


    January 25, 2017 at 12:21 PM

    • Oh, dear Benjamin, yes, I think all is well. Will find out soon definitively. But you, all is far from well for you and you are so kind to think of me. I haven’t known how to respond to your last two posts in which you are starting to feel depressed and are obviously in incredible pain!! I will do Reiki, maybe one tomorrow AM sometime or noonish EST. I find you have such courage and such a lack of self-pity. I would not have had the courage to go through what you went through. You are a real trooper and you deserve a remission. Let’s pray it’s gone forever. Dear friend, I think of you often and have told my husband about you. Please keep fighting!! Please keep up your anger against this dread disease. God bless and hugs, Benjamin, Ellen

      Liked by 1 person

      January 25, 2017 at 5:10 PM

      • You are in my thoughts my friend. This process is starting to wear on me that’s for sure. I’ve set some short term goals to keep me focused on the day to day. Blessing of healing to you and yours . Always. Benjamin

        Liked by 1 person

        January 28, 2017 at 8:41 PM

  11. Hope you’re well.

    Liked by 1 person

    February 6, 2017 at 7:03 PM

  12. Thanks for your concern, Maria. Yes, I am okay. Hope you are, too.

    Liked by 1 person

    February 7, 2017 at 11:17 AM

  13. stay well Ellen…sending you healing vibes ☺

    Liked by 1 person

    February 7, 2017 at 11:41 PM

    • Thanks so much, Hedy! I am now fine. Appreciate your concern. Hope you are well. Ellen

      Liked by 1 person

      February 8, 2017 at 10:58 PM

      • thanks Ellen…riding the waves…and making sure i get good sleep…life is an adventure! happy day to you ~ smiles hedy

        Liked by 1 person

        February 9, 2017 at 8:17 AM

  14. I was ‘out’ for … i don’t remember exactly — hope you and husband are well …

    Liked by 1 person

    April 2, 2017 at 1:00 PM

    • Dear Bert, Thank you so much for all the likes and comments on my blog. It is so good to hear from you. Are you okay? We’re you just overwhelmed? I am out now. Sick. Hope to get things resolved soon. Also we’really selling our house. Too much to deal with. Hope all is well with you. I looked at many of your posts. These days I rarely look at any posts. Take care, dear friend, and be well and at peace.


      April 2, 2017 at 11:10 PM

  15. I used to have racing heart and breathlessness too. The doctors said: “panic attacks,” but at the time I had nothing to feel panicked about. It runs in my family. Turned out to be hyperthyroid–Autoimmune Graves disease.
    My thyroid was nuked many years ago, and then the ‘panic attacks’ stopped.
    AND ….
    I try to stay out of the hospital too.
    Last time I was in the hospital, I was begging to go home too (almost as soon as I got there).

    Liked by 1 person

    December 26, 2018 at 4:36 PM

  16. Thank you for your fascinating comment. Yes, it is good to stay out of hospital!!! Thanks for writing!


    December 26, 2018 at 9:13 PM

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