The only meditation that works for me is that of a Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, or Thay, as he was known endearingly. He taught me to breathe and this is the only natural way I know to calm down. He has changed my life in my short time with him. I found him on the day he died. And now I breathe with him every day, sometimes more.
It is before dawn on a moonlit night. The moon has swept the trees and grass in silver. I await the sun. The moon woke me to whisper about the silent beauty of the predawn hours. The yard is white magic and I imagine a monarch butterfly now sleeping, awaken to find a turtle so it can drink its tears. Monarch butterflies drink turtle tears. Why are the turtles crying? They cry for the ailing earth. They cry for those who suffer. They cry for the dying. They cry for those striving to become one with all. They cry for the sap in the trees flowing. They cry for the animals who are constantly on guard for their lives. They cry for the bird egg which will not ever hatch. They cry for the dying stars in an ever expanding universe. They cry for the unawareness of the high and mighty. Turtle tears are like diamonds sparkling in candlelight, like rain drops on a drooping Lily of the Valley. Come now to drink my tears, dear Monarch. Your beauty gladdens my heart. Your heart drops manna from the heavens into my soul. Come now, dear Monarch. Come lick the dew drops in my eyes.
Presence. Stay in present. Stop projecting into future. Stop the negative daydreams. Worse than nightmares. “What if”, “what if”,”what if” ad infinitum. Put ice yogurt on grocery list. Add potatoes.
Is Tom getting a cold? Flowering plant blooming. The “spirit” of mother. Her secret sign. Our doctor appointment soon. Afraid to go. Pandemic fear. Pandemic fear. Pandemic fear. Leak in wall. Will super come? He doesn’t respond. Annoyance. Will they have to bash the wall in to fix? Will they have Covid 19 and bring it into our home? What will happen?? What? What? What?
Untense your back. Feel sensation. Relax body. Deep breath. Fear of losing Tom. Stirrings of a migraine. Can not stand mind anymore. Eckhart Tolle said similar thing. Concentrate on senses. A flower. The sky. Can’t see much sky. Buildings. Screen. Windows. Apartment. Other lives. Other deaths. Look back at the flower. Flower responds to attention. Eckhart Tolle says flower does not know it is pretty. Responds to attention. Have heard this before. Plants feel sensation. Plants have responses to people. Russians researched this. Be like a plant. Feel sensations. Not fears. Thoughts are the enemy. Only for planning. Avoid thought.
Time to meditate. A few seconds of peace. Fight sleep. Fight thought. Just look, don’t fight thoughts. Just observe. Follow the breath. Almost over. Peace for a few seconds after noisy thoughts.
Will I ever be present? I once was. Long ago. Medication fought psychosis but blocked presence. Can I get there again?
“For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.”
Bible verse from the King James version of the Bible, 1 Corinthians Chap 13 verse 12
And the guru who is my eyes right now is Kamlesh Patel, known as “Daaji,” and his disciple, Joshua Pollock in their book “The Heartfulness Way.” See below. I have read it twice and will reread it again. It is the No. 1 Bestseller in India right now and it is chock full of insights and directions to follow the path of “Heartfulness.” It is the path of love and the heart. The path of Raja Yoga. How could I resist? Daaji does not charge for his teaching. He has a network of trainers available on the Internet. The key to Raja Yoga is the transmission you receive from the guru, from the trainers. The path of Heartfulness is leading me to peace. And as I am in the midst of withdrawing from a major tranquilizer STILL (a long process that will continue for months), peace is MAJOR. I am not there yet but I see light at the end of the tunnel of Maya. “I see now through a glass darkly…”
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