TRIUMPH OF SPIRIT IN LOVE, NATURE & ART

Bipolar Disorder

The Magic of Water

(Continuation of exhibit from previous post.)

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“Jupiter”

“Rose Hills, Blue Trees”

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“Summer Heat”

 

 “Water in its natural state shows us how it wants to flow, and we must obey its wishes.”

–Viktor Schauberger

 Water is the medium.  Water is my brush.  Using watercolors on wet paper, I allow the water’s capillary action to “suggest” an image from the natural world and then work with it, using a variety of methods. I have sought to capture scenes from nature with dazzling, bleeding color. The paintings are an exercise in “letting go” and allowing the creative energies to flow, after preparing the mind through meditation.

As abstractions, the paintings are personal visions—the impressions of light and color and thus do not always appear as they exist in the natural world.  However, since landscapes  are my passion, the results most often appear within the realm of that genre.

Finally these paintings, as renditions of nature, are reflections of the magnificence of the shimmering wilderness and thus, in some small measure, are my own awestruck reflections on the majesty of creation.


The Magic of Water

(Scroll down to see some paintings from this exhibit.)

 “Water in its natural state shows us how it wants to flow, and we must obey its wishes.”

–Viktor Schauberger

 Water is the medium.  Water is my brush.  Using watercolors on wet paper, I allow the water’s capillary action to “suggest” an image from the natural world and then work with it, using a variety of methods. I have sought to capture scenes from nature with dazzling, bleeding color. The paintings are an exercise in “letting go” and allowing the creative energies to flow, after preparing the mind through meditation.

As abstractions, the paintings are personal visions—the impressions of light and color and thus do not always appear as they exist in the natural world.  However, since landscapes  are my passion, the results most often appear within the realm of that genre.

Finally these paintings, as renditions of nature, are reflections of the magnificence of the shimmering wilderness and thus, in some small measure, are my own awestruck reflections on the majesty of creation.

 

“Acid Rain”

” Royal Blue Trees”

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“Night Forms”


Spirit in Summer

Summer spirit

whispers to

the lowly weeds

dances round

the graceful trees

and sends peace

to pacify

an observant cow

 

 


Image

Dark Summer Mood


It’s been a long, hard time since I wrote.  But unlike the bird above I was not alone, thank the Lord. Beloved husband was at my side.  I have thought of many of you and wondered how you’re doing, if you’re still blogging.  Kit, Running Elk, Bert, Paul, Michael, Sue, Palestine Rose, Joshi, Ashley, Didi, Val and so many others.  I check my hundreds of blog emails unread and see you are.  Have not only not been blogging but not reading the blogs either.  Been sick, selling our barn, moving and withdrawing from a major benzodiazepine, Klonopin, a “benzo” as they are called.  My doctor got me addicted to it.  And, while selling the house I took extra because it was so stressful and I had to function no matter how sick I was.  Now I am paying the price.  Withdrawal is at a snail’s pace and fraught with physical and psychological symptoms.  It seems futile to be angry with my doctor.  He didn’t force it down my throat but he did dispense a very dangerous drug.  This is one of the seldom talked about pitfalls of being mentally ill.

The house is finally sold and all the headaches with it.  We will miss the nature and our home in the depths of it.  I have lost my inspiration.  My muse.  Pictures were everywhere.  Now in New York City there is so much stimulation I cannot even see images to capture.  But in many ways it is  good to be here.  Although I remain sick and sick at heart with what is happening to our country, even so, my husband and I are blessed to have each other.  But today, with the March for Our Lives, I finally have new hope.  Perhaps the new generation can succeed at peace where we have failed.  Perhaps the world can stop destroying itself.

And finally now, at last, I can find time now to look within.  I continue to follow Sadhguru and his Inner Engineering.  That is my priority now.  So I don’t know if I can go back to blogging as I used to.  Inspiration is at zero.  But at least I hope to visit sites now and again. Let me take this opportunity to say hello and happy Spring to all of you!


Sadhguru’s Cure for a Spiritual Lobotomy

Another invisible illness silently
sapping quality of life
vertigo and acute nausea
now join
constant migraines
and, with Aspergers, I am
more of a recluse than ever
But my beloved stands by me
A few weeks ago
I wanted to die
Bipolar, too, you see
too sick to sleep
too long a wait
to see a doctor
My beloved, my savior
keeps me going.
But I must fight on my own
and have enlisted Sadhguru
an Indian mystic and Yogi and guru
who promises bliss.

Meditating and chanting every day
with my beautiful husband
whose love
pulls me through
My husband the healer
who worked
with the poorest of the poor
the dejected and rejected
the condemned
My husband who married me
despite my mental illness.

Sadhguru says my mind
can poison my body
Sadhguru, my last best hope
I meditate and chant Aum
with him daily
living the life of a hermit
in a 3 room box in New York City
rather than in a cave in the Himalayas
Desperately seeking
the spirituality of years ago
before antipsychotic medication
gave me a spiritual lobotomy
A trade off
it offered me
some sort of stability
to have a quasi normal life
with my devoted husband
of 28 years.

Why can’t you have
pharmacological sanity
that allows you to love
AND spirituality???
I am going to try…
With Sadhguru.


Stormy Weather

 

Taking a break from blogging for awhile.  Following a class with the famous yogi, Sadhguru, on Inner Engineering which is quite wonderful and I plan on spending lots of time on.  A sample of his way of thinking is below.


Messages from God

Sue at Silent Eye recently posted a discussion of bibliomancy on her blog…

https://thesilenteye.co.uk/2017/06/04/divination-by-the-book/

As a former librarian, I had an experience of bibliomancy with an encyclopedia. It was at a time in my life when I was in a sort of parallel universe. In any case, I had the distinct feeling of a prickly scalp and I wanted to do what I called “readings” which meant basically opening a book randomly to anything looking for messages from God. So I did just that and opened to a page with a picture of Christ and His crown of thorns. I can’t remember how I interpreted it but I knew I was “connected” to something way bigger than my mind.

I had many such experiences and they are delineated in my book, Eye-locks and Other Fearsome Things.


Love Mentally Ill Style

This appeared as a feature in the “Modern Love” series in the New York Times.  It could be the story of my marriage, a marriage of two mentally ill people, though my husband is way higher functioning than I am.

Out of the Darkness — Modern Love http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/27/fashion/out-of-the-darkness-modern-love.html

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Death of Fear and the Beauty of Death

Tears
over fears
of what’s to come
Husband such a
precious soul…
Stay in the present
Enjoy every moment
of together
It is fleeting…

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Bipolar mind
medications
fight living
in the present

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So unZen
Why can’t I
just be
like before
breakdown and
before medications

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Why can’t I
be jolly with he
whom I worship

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Why the constant
chatter of
loud thoughts
Would that I could
go with him
when it comes time

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And if not
hope that I can
help with his
last breath
Secretly
I want to
be the first
to go
quite selfishly
He who cared
for so many
deserves that I
care from me
for him
and more

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Would that
each moment
were not filled
with looking
at Illness
Old age
and Death
and the fragility
Of having a body.