Overloaded Circuits
(Computer art by author)
I’m in somnia
with jackhammer brain
a buzzing mind
a humming with emotions
thoughts and pictures
memories of joys
lost to death
spirits close to my heart
seemingly worlds away
guilt, loss and happiness
sickness and death
as well as
breathtaking beauty
a bedfellow with
gnawing worries
and gnashing nerves
fleeting images from films and
music playing at high speed
in the library of my mind
voices of today, yesterday and
fears of tomorrow
vying for an ear
asking me to listen
to them all
all at once
a cacophony of sounds
in the humming silence
of the specter-filled
haunting darkness
with fearsome death dangling
its loathsome threats
before my darting eyes
afraid not for myself
but of losing him
as he lies beside me
breathing noises
breeding worry, sorry
dashing thoughts of love, passion, doubts
a scarily-still lump beside
insomniac-hyper-racing-mind
manic me
finally arising out of
maudlin months
of dismal darkness
and deep, dark despair
when death smelled sweet to me
*
I get out of bed
to lay my face
upon the windowsill
to gaze at the mystery sky
full of twinkling stars
glittering to the rhythms
of the pulsing universe
my only hope for some
semblance of somnolence
my only chance for peace.
For info on my Bipolar memoir, please see: http://www.independentauthornetwork.com/ellen-stockdale-wolfe.html
MOONSIDE 
You sound so much like me. But so much more creative.
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November 1, 2022 at 1:48 AM
Oh, my God, Cindy!! I am so surprised to hear you say that you are like this. I read on your blog that you are a therapist, a psychologist, if I remember correctly. Of course, this is really a stupid thing to say because my husband is a retired psychiatric social worker and his anxiety is, and was, through the roof, though not as bad as mine. And YOU are so creative, with your photos and captions. I have long envied your technological expertise. Every photo is perfect. Mine always have something wrong and I never did get the ratio right before digital. So many good photos were ruined by lack of technical skill. Thank you, Cindy for your comment. I pictured you as so serene and so expert and effective in your posts… and in your life.
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November 1, 2022 at 4:39 AM