Winter Scenes, Millbrook, New York
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Welcome to samples of my work in various art forms showcasing “Eye-locks and Other Fearsome Things.” “Eye-locks” is a Bipolar/Asperger’s memoir in narrative form that describes the triumph of love over mental illness.
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Millbrook in Autumn– from Realism to Abstraction
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Transformation
Fears and tears
in the sunshine
of April
“The cruelest month”
New life
overcomes
the death
of winter
and with it
its hope
of escape
in dying
Can’t it
just end
Samsara
No poetry
No muse
No spirit
Oh, April,
the killer
month
The Soul
Snatcher
The menacing
life force
that most
revel in
kills my
will
to join
in the spirit
of rebirth
I see only
the cruelty
of Samsara
**********
April raindrops
dry tears
and Spring clouds
sooth
my parched soul
and bring back
will and spirit
to join
the living
once again.
The Grace of Presence
Oh, God,
your gentle breezes
caress my physical form.
I have been sick,
Pill sick
Mentally sick
Soul sick
for so long,
Overwhelmed by fear,
selfish concerns,
physical ills.
What has changed today?
How come today
I can see beyond the self
To the Self?
Is it so mundane
as to be due to a coolness waft of air?
Or is it a taste of infinity?
A wormhole to your realm?
An undeserved dollop of grace?
You are inside always
and yet so often I cannot feel you
at all!
And I lapse into despondency,
anxiety,
preoccupation with the self,
the person,
the ego.
Why today can I see Thee
In the galaxy of stars within?
Why today?
How can I keep this view
Of you?
Despite problems, illness,
please take me over,
please let me see
Thee daily within.
Please let me love you
and all who live
with wild abandon
and the diamond dazzle of compassion,
without restraint.
Tears cleanse
make amends
for my many sins,
Oh, Zephyr of air,
wafting with the perfume
of the Divine
that permeates
all.
Please stay
forever in my heart,
and blow away
fears and tears
and usurp
the self forever!
The Secrets of Winter
Sweet winter melancholy
assuages my soul
with its
bare branches
reaching Godwards
and
its subdued light
speaks of the Almighty
in silent whispers
that are drowned out by sunlight
and the mania of summer.
“My Eyes are Leaking”
The world a watery blur
one less source of joy and laughter
on this ailing earth
a delight to so many
in so many ways
“My eyes are leaking”
(Robin Williams as the alien on “Mork and Mindy”)
Light Works
The Cycle of Life
Youth unfolding
in the bright sunlight
blossoming in shade
‘tainted’ by age
becoming fragile
the delicacy of death
From an old Dahlia series, attempting to show the robust beauty of new life as it grows older, finally reaching the unsung beauty of death.
The Reign of Pain
Tears,years, fears, pain, pane, rain, car, far, are you there, somewhere?
I can’t hear you. I can’t see you. I can’t feel you. Any more.
Why did you have to die? Why did you have to go?
Your kids bleed for you, you know.
Your wife aches for you, you know.
I pine for you, you know.
Your absence is our has been.
Attachment our sin.
And in this reign
of pain we fail
we ail
each in our own ways.
It may be a thin veil
that divides our souls but
why then does it feel like an iron curtain
creating the great divide
between our being and your nothingness?
(Written for the three year anniversary of my brother’s death.)
Through a Glass Darkly
Ilness has stolen my words and clouded my vision, but not killed my hope that a new diagnosis and treatment will fix what has been broken a long time. Hope to be back to regular reading of favorite blogs, commenting and writing posts soon.
Point of View
It happens
every now and again
a psychotic break
reality blurred
thinking slurred
torrents of
uncried tears
MAJOR fears
choked inside
unable to open the door
to walk in the sun
or talk to someone
and then…
it passes
at least for this time
fractured mind
heals
and I emerge
purged
of demons
shaken but
crawling back
out of the dark
blinded by light
laden with guilt
over is it
unjustified anger
and justified hurts
or justified anger
and unjustified hurts
or no justification
just endless conflation
of swirls of emotion
that feed the
desire to die
I come
creeping back
confused lack
of any cohesion
into the world
of “reality”
or Maya
depending on
one’s point of view.
Prayer of Despair
Oh God,
where art thou?
I feel Thee not near me
clouds obscure Thy light
fields lie barren like my soul
Love was in my heart
but I feel it not
all is obscured
Pain and illness
shroud all light
in shadows of darkness
joy but a faint memory
as the mountains
in the grey distance
hope is out of season
bountiful is despair
a sin
yes
I sin the sin of darkness
and wish I could blend
into the greyness
and retire
into nothingness
Oh God,
forgive my ingratitude
for my many blessings
now shrouded in the night
so I can no longer see
Come to me
breathe life into my soul again
and let me see Thy Light
let me see love again
it was there
how does it seem to vanish
and take with it all hope
for why else is there to live?
Feathery Fog
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January trees
please and tease
their feather-arms
tickle the skies
gratify the eyes
their lattice work branches
the soft, silky brush strokes
of a winter masterpiece
Homefulness
Sheltered from the rain
our house in view
how lucky we
to have a home
a shelter
blues harmonica
sheets of rain
storm
blurring October
but focusing on gratitude
for a home to go to
when the rain lets up
a shelter
our nest
an illusion of security
I’ll welcome
in my world of delusions.
Stages of Being
Beauty in Life
September 1
In denial
Death in Life
October 1
Forboding
Beauty in Death
November 1
Acceptance
Afterlife
December 1
SILENCE
“Words Can Sting Like Anything”*
Cool clean cut lines
of cold hearted slashes
gashes of color
drawn blood
sweat beads of fear
you didn’t mean
you didn’t know
how far your words
would go
to hurt.
* Title from the poem by Phyllis McGinley on silence.
Barn Window Reflections
We live in a dream world the Hindus call “Maya”
All is illusory–
a cosmic dream from which we will awaken
when we die.
Just as a baby may think
it is the “end”
of life as he knew it
when he is being shuttled through the birth canal
while being born,
so, too, we may think it is the end
when we are dying
to this world of delusion.
But we will be born to something real,
something just beyond the veil of illusion
in which we are so enmeshed during this “life” as we know it.
“When we awaken in God we shall realize that mortal life is only a picture made of shadows and light, cast on a cosmic movie screen” ~ Paramahansa Yogananda
ApPAIRition
This is the keynote piece from my new series called “ApPAIRitions” in which I explore the relationships between different views of the world. I have 20 of them which I hope to display at some point. They are diptychs and there are few triptychs as well.
Springtime Blues no.3
I am tres desolee
today
spring blossoms
morph to snow
when drained of color
against a grey sky
as I morph to lows
after a false high
Vibratory Connections
The reverberations of love
jump across time and space
to another receptive heart.
The reverberations of suffering
resound around the earth
picked up by open souls in prayer.
The reverberation of aum
sacred sound of the universe
pulses through meditating mind.
Love brings the possibility of loss
suffering brings a totality of pain
Aum brings the reality of God within.
MOONSIDE 