The Reign of Pain



Tears,years, fears, pain, pane, rain, car, far, are you there, somewhere?

I can’t hear you.  I can’t see you.  I can’t feel you.  Any more.

Why did you have to die?  Why did you have to go?

Your kids bleed for you, you know.

Your wife aches for you, you know.

I pine for you, you know.

Your absence is our has been.

Attachment our sin.

And in this reign

of pain we fail

we ail

each in our own ways.

It may be a thin veil

 that divides our souls but

why then does it feel like an iron curtain

 creating the great divide

between our being and your nothingness?

(Written for the three year anniversary of my brother’s death.)

10 responses

  1. Heartfelt poem,its hard to let go some times.Sorry for your lost.Warm regards.JMS


    June 14, 2014 at 7:01 PM

  2. Beautiful poem expressing the pain of your profound loss. I send you my heartfelt condolences. If I could hug you over cyberspace, I would. (((hugs)))


    June 15, 2014 at 2:09 PM

    • Oh, you’re a sweetie, Kit! Many thank yous. It has been three years and there has been some healing but the hole will never go away. Like with anyone who loses someone they love. Hugs for your kindness! Warm regards, Ellen


      June 15, 2014 at 8:59 PM

  3. Thanks so much for stopping by again, JMS, and for your understanding!


    June 15, 2014 at 8:56 PM

  4. Genie

    He is no longer in pain; if that helps any. I know it’s hard; a friend of mine committed suicide [and I don’t know if this is the case here] and it slayed all of us who knew him. The only comfort is knowing that he is no longer in pain. Of course there are alternatives, however, desperation often convinces people that suicide is the only option — but it’s not. There is always something that would have been worth living for had the person held on and clung to hope for better days.


    June 16, 2014 at 1:49 PM

    • You’re right. If you cling to hope things can change. And you’re right, he is not in pain any longer. He was in terrible pain but tried to hang in for his kids. He committed passive suicide, smoking and drinking himself to death. Even tried to smoke during chemo. I am sorry for your friend. Real suicide is such a shock even if you know the person is depressed and suicidal. Very hard on the survivors. Thanks, Genie.


      June 16, 2014 at 3:07 PM

  5. that looks wonderful 🙂


    June 18, 2014 at 3:44 AM

  6. A beautiful, painful eulogy. I lost my own brother almost 5 years ago and I still feel the pain of his going. It will always be with us. Thank you for this glance into your soul, and into others of us who have experienced a similar loss.


    July 31, 2014 at 4:28 PM

    • I am so sorry. One expects to lose one’s parents and that is bad but I didn’t expect to lose my younger brother though he was an alcoholic and a heavy smoker. Sorry for your loss, peace to you as well, Ellen


      July 31, 2014 at 6:44 PM

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