TRIUMPH OF SPIRIT IN LOVE, NATURE & ART

Posts tagged “Bipolar Depression

Summer Inertia?

Am I caught in a web

like a fly in a drainpipe?

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Or is it summer inertia,

The lazy, hazy daze?

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Could it be

I have lost it totally

to a pharmaceutical lobotomy?

Or am I processing still

retreat with Mooji?

Anger is more controlled

and that is good

but creativity has taken a vacation and

kidnapped my muse leaving

no urge to make new words or pictures?

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Anxiety rules

and love flows

making me bow my head in prayer

and that is good

but what has happened to me?

I do not understand what I read

and have trouble processing

and cannot even comment.

Perhaps I am empty…


Dark Night of the Soul

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No words today…


The Reign of Pain

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Tears,years, fears, pain, pane, rain, car, far, are you there, somewhere?

I can’t hear you.  I can’t see you.  I can’t feel you.  Any more.

Why did you have to die?  Why did you have to go?

Your kids bleed for you, you know.

Your wife aches for you, you know.

I pine for you, you know.

Your absence is our has been.

Attachment our sin.

And in this reign

of pain we fail

we ail

each in our own ways.

It may be a thin veil

 that divides our souls but

why then does it feel like an iron curtain

 creating the great divide

between our being and your nothingness?

(Written for the three year anniversary of my brother’s death.)


Overloaded Circuits

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On circuit overload

can’t turn off the current

despite parallel despair

know a fuse will blow

but can do little to stop the flow

mania and depression

together = paranoia

 


Prayer of Despair

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Oh God,

where art thou?

I feel Thee not near me

clouds obscure Thy light

fields lie barren like my soul

Love was in my heart

but I feel it not

all is obscured

Pain and illness

shroud all light

in shadows of darkness

joy but a faint memory

as the mountains

in the grey distance

hope is out of season

bountiful is despair

a sin

yes

I sin the sin of darkness

and wish I could blend

into the greyness

and retire

into nothingness

Oh God,

forgive my ingratitude

for my many blessings

now shrouded in the night

so I can no longer see

Come to me

breathe life into my soul again

and let me see Thy Light

let me see love again

it was there

how does it seem to vanish

and take with it all hope

for why else is there to live?


“Music Magic”

Today

a lightness of being

want to share

the scintillating spark

 Cat Stevens

and his cohorts

see

the Light

music often mania makes

is this mania

or

is it the catepillar

coming out of the chrysalis of depression

being Bipolar bears

cacophonic confusion

even after 6 decades

who cares

Cat Stevens

a gift to me

from my brother

post mortem

his legacy to me

because he loved him

and because I missed him

I listened

too late to share the love

 now

my gift to you

just listen and let

soul to soul transmission

effect

its music magic

culminating

in a crescendo

of

soul


Swarms

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The attack

not killer bees

nor locusts

nor hornets

nor any insect

but the contents

of the mind

 

Tied up in knots

not safe

not secure

not strong

not peace

 

Sick with

the plague of fears

negative thoughts

insidious

invidious

poison

killing  joys

bringing tears

of pain

and loss

and grief

 

The swarms cloud the sun

taking away the Light

and all it enraptures

attacking

the very source

of life

Love


Darkness Falls

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Darkness falls

shoving my precious blues and violets

down the black hole of depression.

I no longer remember

how to smile

or create

or spar.

I wish to disappear

into the darkness

until the light returns.