Chest pain
shaky and
light in the head
go to bed
awaken
at 3 AM
pain in chest worse
down the arm
in the neck
nausea
to wake my husband
or not
decide not
decide to lie there
and see what happens
but first
write him a note
of my undying love
which he finds in the morning
when I am surprised
to find myself awake
husband says to the ER
NO
urgent care center
OKAY
doctor there says ER
despite finding a normal EKG
I say NO
husband says YES
another taxi
to hell
get sent to “geri”
and wait
sitting on top of
sick people
afraid husband
will catch something
I in tears with fears
of being in this
overcrowded, overheated,
festering inferno
with screams
in the background
a man lying on the floor
after an hour or so
can take no more
tell husband
LEAVING
he says
OKAY
even he is spooked
I will never go back
not there
and this supposed to be
an advanced country
how dare we look down
on the developing world
with our pants down.
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January 15, 2017 | Categories: Cityscapes, Life in New York City, OCD, Uncategorized | Tags: Death and dying, Developed countries, Emergencies, ERs, Fear of germs, Fears, Heart attacks, Medicine in the U.S., Third world countries | 28 Comments
In tears fighting fears, I prayed to God to speak to me and he did, moments later, through the beautiful words of Dennis Ference, at Merging Traffic…
Merging Traffic
battered and bullied
by fears that rage and roar
let us trust that we are
bigger than our fears
let us know that we are
so much more
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July 24, 2014 | Categories: Anxiety, Asperger's & Autism, Bipolar Disorder, Spirituality, Uncategorized | Tags: Answered prayers, Anxiety, Dennis Ference, Fears, Fighting fears, Overcoming fears, Power of prayer, Prayers, Tears | Leave a comment
Starlight through the skylight
Moonlight just above the roof
Fireflies flickering flames
Random to our eyes
In a dizzying mercurial display
Flitting to the tune
Of trilling frogs
And the flutter of batwings
I see goblins in the windows
Alone would be terrified
With you here beatified
By the beauty of the silence
Punctuated by the frogs
Spotlighted by the moon
And the sparkling stars
Whose dust makes up
These rented bodies we carry
While inside heartbeats
Tick away our lives
To the beat of a flashing firefly
Or a flickering star.
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July 14, 2014 | Categories: Abstract Photography, Meditations, Nature Photography, Poetry, Spirituality, Uncategorized | Tags: Bats, Body, Ecstasy, Fear of the dark, Fears, Fireflies, Flickering lights, Frogs, Heartbeats, Lightning Bugs, Moon, Night Landscape, Rhythms of the universe, Silent night, Starlight, Stars, Trilling frogs, Twinkling stars | 12 Comments
It happens
every now and again
a psychotic break
reality blurred
thinking slurred
torrents of
uncried tears
MAJOR fears
choked inside
unable to open the door
to walk in the sun
or talk to someone
and then…
it passes
at least for this time
fractured mind
heals
and I emerge
purged
of demons
shaken but
crawling back
out of the dark
blinded by light
laden with guilt
over is it
unjustified anger
and justified hurts
or justified anger
and unjustified hurts
or no justification
just endless conflation
of swirls of emotion
that feed the
desire to die
I come
creeping back
confused lack
of any cohesion
into the world
of “reality”
or Maya
depending on
one’s point of view.
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January 27, 2014 | Categories: Abstract Photography, Bipolar Disorder, Depression and Mania, Mood Photographs, Poetry | Tags: Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Fears, Maya, Mood Swings, Psychosis, Psychotic Depression | 18 Comments
The attack
not killer bees
nor locusts
nor hornets
nor any insect
but the contents
of the mind
Tied up in knots
not safe
not secure
not strong
not peace
Sick with
the plague of fears
negative thoughts
insidious
invidious
poison
killing joys
bringing tears
of pain
and loss
and grief
The swarms cloud the sun
taking away the Light
and all it enraptures
attacking
the very source
of life
Love
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April 15, 2013 | Categories: Bipolar Disorder, Depression and Mania, Mood Photographs, Poetry | Tags: Abstract Photography, Anxieties, Bipolar Art, Bipolar Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar poetry, Depression and Mania, Fears, Landscape Photography, loss, Negative thoughts, Pain, Poetry | 16 Comments
