Crying Leaves, Flowers and Eternity
“At dawn and the opening of lotus buds, my soul flower softly unfolds to receive Thy light. Each petal is bathed in rays of bliss. The early breezes waft the perfume of Thy presence.”
From “Whispers from Eternity” by Paramahansa Yogananda” p. 81.
The leaves shed raindrop tears for much of April and the same rains brought forth the blossoming Dahlias in Andrew’s garden. Soon their petals will wilt and shrivel with old age and other blossoms will replace them just as our bodies will wilt and we will shed them like so many shriveling petals…
and we will go home for awhile
only to return for more lessons to learn on the school of earth.
Ode to a One-eyed Dog (a humble attempt 27 or so years ago)
“Inwardly think constantly of the Beauty behind flowers; the Light behind the sun; the Life that twinkles in all eyes, that beats in every heart.”
Paramahansa Yogananda
The Epitome of Humility
Ko-ko in her later years… one of my best teachers
You open our eyes to the Infinite
with your soft-brown one-eyed stare,
your gentle, pink-tongued kisses
and your deep, dark velvet ways.
You open our hearts to Eternal Love,
joining in our displays of affection,
cringing at discord in dire dejection,
Oh, Love-Dog with a failing heart!
You work your love-magic on all you meet
with a willful wag of your toy-like tail.
You soothe us in sorrow and defeat
with the soulful "ear" of your single eye.
In your own pain, you have comforted us.
Losing Dad you licked Mom's tears.
Mom died and your kisses brought me back
from the shrieking world of grief and fear.
And you are getting old, as I lie beside you bed,
my nose nuzzling your greying head,
inhaling your sweet doggie scent,
I feel the fragile flutter of your tender heart.
Lulled by the hum of your delectable delight,
warmed by your love, touched by your joy,
filled with awe at each breath you take,
I see in you God's mystery of life.
(Ko-ko died in 2000 sending me a vision after her death)
The Return of the Animals
“Gradually extend the boundaries of the glowing kingdom of your love to include your family, your neighbors, your community, your country, all countries– all living sentient creatures.”
Paramahansa Yogananda
We rejoice at the spring bird-song of the mating season during the day now that we have the spring peeper choruses at night… some of the most beautiful sounds on the planet. We search every rock in every pond, looking for turtles sunning. The first opossum of the season appear and what a thing of joy it is. No longer is he cringing in some nest of wood and leaf debris for shelter from the cold. He is running past our door to find a mate. All round and rotund.
Animals work their unique and miraculous magic on depressed souls and bring joy. Animals are natural anti-depressants… how a child’s face lights up with joy to touch an animal or observe one up close. Adults, too, are wooed by their innocence. Animals bring enchantment, enrich our lives. That is why therapy dogs and other animals do such good work in hospitals, prisons, hospices for the dying, wherever there is misery.
The return of the animals brings music to the air, replacing the ominous gale winds of winter and the blanketed silence of snows. Insects hum and buzz. Birds sing and chirp. Windows are opened wide to allow sweet- smelling, soporific breezes to blow through our houses. Little green shoots become beautiful flowers in our gardens, along side roads, in the fields. Trees come to life again, gods of greenery. Fat, red-breasted robins perk up the lawn in their search for worms. And we no longer have to worry about animals starving. The deer we see mid-March in groups, scavenging for food are thin and weak. And the squirrels have run out of their stores as well, raiding the bird feeder which they normally leave to the birds. A late Spring means animals will starve and die with no edible items.
And yet, with all the pleasure the return of the animals brings us, do we welcome them with open arms? No, we fumigate our land and spread pesticides all over their territory. Many species of birds are heading towards extinction due to our use of pesticides and, generally speaking, our “development” of the land. We destroy vernal pools, thinking them mere puddles rather than the breeding place of frogs and salamanders. We take the babies of spring– the lambs, the calves– away from their mothers and slaughter them. Sometimes with abject cruelty, in full view of the mothers. The mothers wail in anguish. We break bonds stronger than the supposedly solid bond of human matrimony that nowadays fails as often as it succeeds.
In The Letter Writer, famed author, Isaac Bashevis Singer wrote: “In his thoughts, Herman spoke a eulogy for the mouse who had shared a portion of her life with him and who because of him, had left this earth. “What do they know–all these scholars, all these philosophers, all the leaders of the world–about such as you? They have convinced themselves that man, the worst transgressor of all the species, is the crown of creation. All other creatures were created merely to provide him with food, pelts, to be tormented, exterminated. In relation to them, all people are Nazis; for the animals it is an eternal Treblinka.”
This is how we repay those who bring us such joy, such love, such purity– those who uplift, save lives, care for us. It has been said that a dog is the only creature who loves his caretaker more than he loves himself. Dogs have it over us in this.
Spring is here and, with it, the return of the animals. Without them, as Rachel Carlson warned, it would be a “silent spring”.
The Orchestra of Spring, Part 2
“Underlying all life is the silent voice of God, ever calling to us through the flowers… through all things that are beautiful and that make life worth living.”
Paramahansa Yogananda
HAPPY EASTER! HAPPY PASSOVER! HAPPY SPRING!
The Orchestra of Spring
“The orderly manner in which the universe is run shows that it is guided by some form of intelligence that permeates all created things.”
Paramahansa Yogananda
Watercolor by David M. Carroll
“Spotted Turtle Nesting in Moonlight”
When nature awakens in late March or early April, sap starts flowing in the trees and ice changes to water marking the end of hibernation. This is the grand opening of the wetlands and the pilgrimage to the vernal pools as David M. Carroll writes in his “Swampwalker’s Journal: a Wetlands Year.” A vernal pool is a body of water which fills up in autumn and winter and is swollen in the spring but often dries up completely by the end of the summer. Carroll describes vernal pools so beautifully: “It is at snowmelt and ice-out, the last sleets, first rains, and the earliest warming breaths of spring that they beckon wood frogs, salamanders, and spring peepers from surrounding upland woods, where they have passed the winter in rotted-out trees roots [a reason not to ‘clean up’ the woods], under layers of bark and litter, in small mammal tunnels and other hibernacula in the earth.” The melting snow heralds the march of the amphibians. “Vernal pool habitats hold a galaxy of small things that come to life the instant ice and snow turn back into water.”
Carroll walks the swamps, as the title of his book suggests, in search of mating salamanders and spotted turtles, bogs, fens and all wetland flora and fauna. He tells us that there must be a certain collusion of events– several warm days in a row followed by a darkest of nights with temperatures ideally in the mid-50s with rain preferably two nights in a row. And then the magical migration begins. The salamanders begin their “annual pilgrimage” to the vernal pond to mate.
My husband and I were lucky enough to have a vernal pond on the property next door to us and when Spring sprang out of the depths of winter, the sound at night from that pond made us feel as if we are camping out next to a vast wetland. The music of the spring peepers played through the night throughout the house, often starting overeagerly in the late afternoon. This manic symphony thrilled us every year. It was the first sign of Spring for us. The quality of joyousness and the affirmation of life gladdened our souls. Going to sleep with that sound made us remember what we so often forget, to give thanks to our Creator for his magnificent creatures.
This story, however, does not have a happy ending. In his epilogue to the “Swampwalker’s Journal,” David Carroll explains why it took him more than 7 years to complete this book. He writes that he became involved in saving some of the wetlands in his book and says sadly nearly all of his interventions have or will become “losing battles.” He describes the plight of the wetlands, bogs and fens as a “landscape of loss.” And he scorns our human selfishness as he writes how it “reveals explicitly the extent to which we think of ourselves as owning all living things, along with the very earth, air, and water in which they live, as if we possessed some divinely mandated dominion over all creation.” He warns: “As we will learn in time none of this belongs to us.”
Paramahansa Yogananda:
“WE SHOULD BATHE OUR SPIRITS IN THE DEEP, PURE FEELING THAT STIRS WITHIN US WHEN WE GAZE ON THE GLORIES OF HIS CREATION. THIS IS THE WAY TO KNOW GOD AS BEAUTY.”
“Northern Lights”
esw 2006
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!
“LOVE IS THE DIVINE POWER OF ATTRACTION IN CREATION THAT HARMONIZES, UNITES, BINDS TOGETHER“
PARAMAHANSA YOGANANDA
To Thomas:
Slowly creeping towards our fourth decade together. Will we make it? Love grows deeper against a background of eventual, inevitable loss. A loss more unimaginable than one’s own demise.
I look deeply into your eyes, my eyes linger, falling into your blue orbs, while you, in turn, delight in my gaze, going far beyond the polite looks people use in everyday conversations. We pause too long. I fall into the abyss of your sky blues and feel reverence. Reverence for your happy spirit, infectious mood. Reverence for the God I see in you.
It is not the Eros of our first decade that has morphed into something much deeper. Attraction, yes, but of a different nature. Attraction of the heart, the soul, the spirit. We bring each other to pure joy, bliss, a sharing of spirit. We give each other a taste of Oneness with all. Meditation has become our love-making. Nature has become our Temple. This life has become suddenly the blink of an eye.
In the Hush of it All…
As Christmas recedes into yesteryear, and as turtles and other creatures sleep in frozen slumber, and the New Year dawns after the birth of winter, let us weather the sorrows and “Fully enjoy the wonder and beauty of each instant.”
Paramahansa Yogananda
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Love from Above
“… the Cosmic Beam, the Divine Light pouring from the projection booth of Eternity.”
Paramahansa Yogananda
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Repetition of Forms
The Marsh in Winter (Millbrook, NY)
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Sheep in Winter (Standfordville, NY)
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“Nature is very beautiful; but still, in one sense, it is very silent: it tells us of the beauty of everything without revealing the Beauty that is behind everything.”
Panamahansa Yogananda
💖💖💖”Just as your consciousness pervades your whole body, the consciousness of Christ is equally present throughout the cosmos– in every tree and plant, in every bird and animal, in all human beings.”💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 Paramahansa Yogananda
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Face to face
“Be fearless, sincere, and loving and you will be able to look everyone in the face, knowing that you have done your best.”
Paramahansa Yogananda
Divine Intelligence
“God is manifest in everything! Look at the beautiful earth, and how nature keeps it in balance– how there is a plan, an Intelligence behind everything in creation.”
Paramahansa Yogananda
Star Blossoms
“When you find that your soul, your heart, every wisp of inspiration, every speck of the vast blue sky and its shining star blossoms, the mountains, the earth, the whipporwill and the bluebells are all tied together with one cord of rhythm, one cord of joy, one cord of unity, one cord of spirit, then you shall know that all are but waves in His cosmic sea.”
Paramahansa Yogananda in “Metaphysical Meditations,” p. 36
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“Homage to Kandinsky” (esw)
The World Within
“When the body and mind become totally still, one begins to perceive the manifestation of Spirit.”
Paramahansa Yogananda
A Flowering Friendship
“The duty of friends is to continuously help each other to develop themselves. When souls seek progress together in God, then divine friendship flowers.”
Paramahansa Yogananda
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The Smiling Moon
“THE BEAUTY OF NATURE IS LIKE A FOUNTAIN. YOU SEE THE BEAUTY OF THE SPRAY, BUT YOU DO NOT SEE THE WONDERS INSIDE THE DROPLETS… THE MOON SMILES AND THE STARS TWINKLE BECAUSE THOU ART SPARKLING THERE”… “Divine Romance” p.87
Paramahansa Yogananda
Lessons of the Lily
“FEEL THE INFINITE LOVE OF GOD WITHIN YOUR HEART. LET YOUR HEART EMANATE THAT LOVE FOR ALL… THE FORCES OF GOOD ARE HUMBLE AND UNASSUMING.”
Paramahansa Yogananda
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Oceanic Currents
Paramahansa Yogananda
“As soon as you lift your consciousness to the state of divine awareness, you see the oceanic current of God’s light flowing behind all matter.”
Stream in our backyard in Millbrook, New York that eventually flows into the Hudson River which in turn flows into the Atlantic Ocean, thereby hinting at global consciousness.
“Happiness lies in giving yourself time to think and to introspect. Be alone once in awhile, and remain more in silence.”
Paramahansa Yogananda
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Flower Seller for puja (offerings for the gods)
Allepey Town, Kerala, India
Simplicity
“Live more simply, so that you can find time to enjoy the little pleasures of life.”
Paramahansa Yogananda
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Fly in a Lily, Millbrook, New York
Equanimity
“Calmness is the voice of God speaking to you through the radio of your soul.”— Paramahansa Yogananda
A temple in Khajuraho, India at Dawn
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For contributions and an introduction to the children at Michael’s Makindye Foundation providing a home for street children in Uganda click on the link below. Michael and Angie appear in a photograph below the link.
https://www.gofundme.com/f/sustainability-support-for-the-makindye-foundation
Reactions to a Retreat with Sri Mooji
I went to the Zmar retreat online from New York City a week and a half ago in very bad shape. Was going through withdrawal from a psychiatric drug for Bipolar, having been on it for 20 years, and having a really tough time. But came the Zmar retreat with Mooji, and I entered in desperation, which is actually a good way to start a retreat. Had done an intensive with Mooji before and all sorts of resistances came up and a cleansing, Satsang flu, Mooji calls it. This time was different. Resistance came and went. My body cleansed itself. But there came an inkling, a little doorway into the Self. A peak into the peace felt long ago with Holy Communion in the Catholic Church and in meditation with Yogananda. For whatever reason, those doors closed to me. I wanted a guru who was still in bodily form to listen to and follow.
The retreat started auspiciously. Eager to begin, when the opening ceremony started and Mooji appeared, three separate instances of energy running up my spine told me it would be a good retreat. Mooji places no special value on the Kundalini energy. “Child’s play” he calls it. Still for me it was a sign this was the right place to be.
Up at 3 and 4 AM in the silence of pre-dawn in New York City to hear a 2-4 hour Satsang. And then came back at 2:30 for another 2-4 hour one. Mooji spoke healing words. They were like salve to a gaping wound. He spoke tough words, too, but all was done with great love.
The Zmar retreat was such a blessing. Some parts were rough. And some parts scary when the energy led to intense releases in some people.
The “person” still dominates but so many people in the Sangha expressed feelings and questions like mine. That gave me hope. And some people did awaken. As an added bonus, an answer came with a solution to a medication problem that has had positive results.
The Sangha was wonderful and staff inspirational. I desperately want my heart to open as I see it has in Mooji and his staff. Don’t know that it will. But Mooji’s self-inquiry works to help step back from the self, the ego, the person, the mind. He teaches us to be aware of the tricks the mind plays. His Being meditations bring Presence. If you are interested, he has many videos of Satsangs and guided meditations on YouTube open to all. I offer the one below as an introduction.
I love you so much, dear Mooji. You show such compassion and love. Thank you for your endless patience and outpouring of your magnificent heart. You live to help people find the Self, people tortured by “mind” and the “person/ego”.
Alternatives and Non-Pharmaceutical Aids for Bipolars, Depressives and Other Mentally Ill
I am Manic-Depressive, more specifically, Bipolar 1. Unable to take the mood stabilizers usually prescribed for Bipolar Disorder—Valproic acid, Lithium Carbonate, Tegretol, Neurontin and Depakote, my therapist had me on a cocktail of anti-psychotics. Been on an old anti-psychotic, Thiothixene, for about 20 years and a new, atypical anti-psychotic, Zyprexa, for 15 years (more on that drug later).
The anti-psychotics, however, or the neuroleptics as they are called, while keeping me out of the mental hospital and enabling to live a somewhat “normal” life, had a depressant effect on me, robbing my life of all the joy and creativity I used to enjoy, as well as, my mystical experiences in nature.
In an effort to get my spark back, I was put on practically every anti-depressant there is. From the old ones like Tofranil, Elavil, Norpramin and Pamelor, to the newer ones like Effexor, Wellbutrin, Prozac, Paxil and Zoloft. All of them were rejected for reasons as numerous as the drugs themselves. From blunted affect, severe nausea, and weight gain, to a total inability to function or outright mania, even minute doses were problematic. As were my trials of the newer anti-psychotics. And I have heard from many that they have had similar or even more severe reactions to the same medications. A friend of mine attempted suicide on Wellbutrin.
Finally a psychologist recommended St. John’s wort. I was very worried about taking that after all my bad experiences with anti-depressants. But I found a research grade St. John’s wort and gave it a try. I felt a difference the very next day despite being told the effects would kick in gradually. The change was dramatic as demonstrated in what I wrote after one day on St. John’s wort:
Ko-ko, our four-legged, faithful companion, runs into the bedroom, eager to join me on the bed, awash with pure joy. She takes a flying leap up and we lounge together like lizards basking in the sun, reclining requisitely together. It is day 2 of St. John’s wort. Am filled with a loving glow as Ko-ko nestles down to sleep beside me. The beauty of yesterday lingers in my memory—a vacation day spent with my husband in the Palisades on an early October day. The sweet, crackling autumn air filled our lungs as we climbed the Palisades for a spectacular view of the Hudson River. Our path strewn with crunchy, dry leaves. A trail leads us further upwards, the spongy ground, soft underfoot is strewn with paint box colored leaves. Yellow, crimsons, golden russets lay on the damp path, wet from yesterday’s rain. I give thanks to God in this cathedral of color. Try to experience the mysticism of my youth. Yearn to return to the photography and poetry writing of my pre-breakdown days. A revival of creativity. Thank you , God, for giving me my sight back.
As the days went by, more and more of the depression lifted. My husband was happier with me on the St. John’s wort because I was more loving. I also stopped drinking. Completely. And I had been a borderline alcoholic. The door to the prison had been opened and I was now freer. This improvement gradually leveled off and at times I found myself fighting depressions at times but nothing like the deep, black depressions before the SJW.
Still without a mood stabilizers I would cycle, but not psychotically. Next change to be made was to learn the hands on healing technique called Reiki in an attempt to recover my spirituality. Reiki continues to be a blessing as I do it daily to myself and in a prayer form for others. But I was still craving the spirituality of my youth.
Brought up Presbyterian and made to convert to Catholicism in grade school, organized religion was not working for me. I had done Transcendental Meditation in my twenties and dropped it for a reason I no longer remember. Continuing to pray rote prayers I followed Pema Chodron and Paramahansa Yogananda and others. I took about twenty of Yogananda’s lessons offered by Self-Realization Fellowship and meditated according to his teachings. I regard Yogananda as a saint, a true saint, but his path was not “doing it” for me. Tremendous anxiety would take over. And then, through Hariod Brawn on Contentedness.net, I met Mooji and I began listening to his guided meditations and watching his satsangs. Additionally, while convalescing from pneumonia recently, my husband read books written by an old friend he had while pursuing religious studies at the University of Edinburgh. A Celtic Christian minister and reformer, J. Philip Newell. Curious, I read him, too, and he helped me on the path with Mooji. Through Mooji I found that the Self is not Bipolar or OCD or Asperger’s or depressed. Those are troubles of the body/mind/ego self. The “person” in other words. If I can go into the “Presence of God” as Newell says, or into the “Self” as Mooji says, I can be well. Mooji has helped me regain my spirituality and is making me whole.
The last change I made was to get off the newer anti-psychotic, Zyprexa, for health reasons. The drug has horrid side effects including dizziness, heavy weight gain, problems with heat and more. The withdrawal from Zyprexa is very,very hard. I still have .5 mg to go to get off it completely. Meantime, the same company where I buy the research grade St. John’s wort, offers a homeopathic Lithium Orotate (not Lithium Carbonate) spray called Symmetry. Have been using that with great results. Am very even. Gone are the manic nights of insomnia and the deep, dark depressions that sometimes broke through the St. John’s wort. Gone is the rapid cycling.
The company that offers the research grade St. John’s wort (the only brand of St. John’s wort that has worked for me) is Hypericum.com. The homeopathic Lithium Ortotate is offered by the same company. I have no interest in this company and am not paid by them to offer this information. I am not saying that all these things will work for those you touched by the fire of Bipolar Disorder or the black hole of depression or any other disorder. And certainly you must consult your therapist before trying any medication. For example, you cannot mix St. John’s wort while taking certain drugs. Specially mixing St. John’s wort with other antidepressants can be very dangerous. I am just offering alternative to those of you who may have had the same experiences and presenting what has helped me in my own battles. Talk to your therapist if interested.
And last but not by any means least, is Mooji. All information about him is to be found at Mooji.org. There are many, many free Satsang and guided meditation videos available there and on YouTube.
He answered my question about being able to being “realized” despite having Bipolar Disorder and I see now what he said made all the difference in the world. The person is Bipolar but the Self is not! Through watching his satsangs and doing meditation with him daily I am returning to the spirituality of my youth, before my breakdown. I have miles to go but with his help I am more able to cope with this dream we call life.
MOONSIDE 
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