Crying Leaves, Flowers and Eternity
“At dawn and the opening of lotus buds, my soul flower softly unfolds to receive Thy light. Each petal is bathed in rays of bliss. The early breezes waft the perfume of Thy presence.”
From “Whispers from Eternity” by Paramahansa Yogananda” p. 81.
The leaves shed raindrop tears for much of April and the same rains brought forth the blossoming Dahlias in Andrew’s garden. Soon their petals will wilt and shrivel with old age and other blossoms will replace them just as our bodies will wilt and we will shed them like so many shriveling petals…
and we will go home for awhile
only to return for more lessons to learn on the school of earth.
Ode to a One-eyed Dog (a humble attempt 27 or so years ago)
“Inwardly think constantly of the Beauty behind flowers; the Light behind the sun; the Life that twinkles in all eyes, that beats in every heart.”
Paramahansa Yogananda
The Epitome of Humility
Ko-ko in her later years… one of my best teachers
You open our eyes to the Infinite
with your soft-brown one-eyed stare,
your gentle, pink-tongued kisses
and your deep, dark velvet ways.
You open our hearts to Eternal Love,
joining in our displays of affection,
cringing at discord in dire dejection,
Oh, Love-Dog with a failing heart!
You work your love-magic on all you meet
with a willful wag of your toy-like tail.
You soothe us in sorrow and defeat
with the soulful "ear" of your single eye.
In your own pain, you have comforted us.
Losing Dad you licked Mom's tears.
Mom died and your kisses brought me back
from the shrieking world of grief and fear.
And you are getting old, as I lie beside you bed,
my nose nuzzling your greying head,
inhaling your sweet doggie scent,
I feel the fragile flutter of your tender heart.
Lulled by the hum of your delectable delight,
warmed by your love, touched by your joy,
filled with awe at each breath you take,
I see in you God's mystery of life.
(Ko-ko died in 2000 sending me a vision after her death)
The Orchestra of Spring
“The orderly manner in which the universe is run shows that it is guided by some form of intelligence that permeates all created things.”
Paramahansa Yogananda
Watercolor by David M. Carroll
“Spotted Turtle Nesting in Moonlight”
When nature awakens in late March or early April, sap starts flowing in the trees and ice changes to water marking the end of hibernation. This is the grand opening of the wetlands and the pilgrimage to the vernal pools as David M. Carroll writes in his “Swampwalker’s Journal: a Wetlands Year.” A vernal pool is a body of water which fills up in autumn and winter and is swollen in the spring but often dries up completely by the end of the summer. Carroll describes vernal pools so beautifully: “It is at snowmelt and ice-out, the last sleets, first rains, and the earliest warming breaths of spring that they beckon wood frogs, salamanders, and spring peepers from surrounding upland woods, where they have passed the winter in rotted-out trees roots [a reason not to ‘clean up’ the woods], under layers of bark and litter, in small mammal tunnels and other hibernacula in the earth.” The melting snow heralds the march of the amphibians. “Vernal pool habitats hold a galaxy of small things that come to life the instant ice and snow turn back into water.”
Carroll walks the swamps, as the title of his book suggests, in search of mating salamanders and spotted turtles, bogs, fens and all wetland flora and fauna. He tells us that there must be a certain collusion of events– several warm days in a row followed by a darkest of nights with temperatures ideally in the mid-50s with rain preferably two nights in a row. And then the magical migration begins. The salamanders begin their “annual pilgrimage” to the vernal pond to mate.
My husband and I were lucky enough to have a vernal pond on the property next door to us and when Spring sprang out of the depths of winter, the sound at night from that pond made us feel as if we are camping out next to a vast wetland. The music of the spring peepers played through the night throughout the house, often starting overeagerly in the late afternoon. This manic symphony thrilled us every year. It was the first sign of Spring for us. The quality of joyousness and the affirmation of life gladdened our souls. Going to sleep with that sound made us remember what we so often forget, to give thanks to our Creator for his magnificent creatures.
This story, however, does not have a happy ending. In his epilogue to the “Swampwalker’s Journal,” David Carroll explains why it took him more than 7 years to complete this book. He writes that he became involved in saving some of the wetlands in his book and says sadly nearly all of his interventions have or will become “losing battles.” He describes the plight of the wetlands, bogs and fens as a “landscape of loss.” And he scorns our human selfishness as he writes how it “reveals explicitly the extent to which we think of ourselves as owning all living things, along with the very earth, air, and water in which they live, as if we possessed some divinely mandated dominion over all creation.” He warns: “As we will learn in time none of this belongs to us.”
Paramahansa Yogananda:
“WE SHOULD BATHE OUR SPIRITS IN THE DEEP, PURE FEELING THAT STIRS WITHIN US WHEN WE GAZE ON THE GLORIES OF HIS CREATION. THIS IS THE WAY TO KNOW GOD AS BEAUTY.”
“Northern Lights”
esw 2006
In the Hush of it All…
As Christmas recedes into yesteryear, and as turtles and other creatures sleep in frozen slumber, and the New Year dawns after the birth of winter, let us weather the sorrows and “Fully enjoy the wonder and beauty of each instant.”
Paramahansa Yogananda
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Love from Above
“… the Cosmic Beam, the Divine Light pouring from the projection booth of Eternity.”
Paramahansa Yogananda
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Repetition of Forms
The Marsh in Winter (Millbrook, NY)
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Sheep in Winter (Standfordville, NY)
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“Nature is very beautiful; but still, in one sense, it is very silent: it tells us of the beauty of everything without revealing the Beauty that is behind everything.”
Panamahansa Yogananda
💖💖💖”Just as your consciousness pervades your whole body, the consciousness of Christ is equally present throughout the cosmos– in every tree and plant, in every bird and animal, in all human beings.”💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 Paramahansa Yogananda
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Star Blossoms
“When you find that your soul, your heart, every wisp of inspiration, every speck of the vast blue sky and its shining star blossoms, the mountains, the earth, the whipporwill and the bluebells are all tied together with one cord of rhythm, one cord of joy, one cord of unity, one cord of spirit, then you shall know that all are but waves in His cosmic sea.”
Paramahansa Yogananda in “Metaphysical Meditations,” p. 36
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“Homage to Kandinsky” (esw)
The World Within
“When the body and mind become totally still, one begins to perceive the manifestation of Spirit.”
Paramahansa Yogananda
A Flowering Friendship
“The duty of friends is to continuously help each other to develop themselves. When souls seek progress together in God, then divine friendship flowers.”
Paramahansa Yogananda
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The Smiling Moon
“THE BEAUTY OF NATURE IS LIKE A FOUNTAIN. YOU SEE THE BEAUTY OF THE SPRAY, BUT YOU DO NOT SEE THE WONDERS INSIDE THE DROPLETS… THE MOON SMILES AND THE STARS TWINKLE BECAUSE THOU ART SPARKLING THERE”… “Divine Romance” p.87
Paramahansa Yogananda
Lessons of the Lily
“FEEL THE INFINITE LOVE OF GOD WITHIN YOUR HEART. LET YOUR HEART EMANATE THAT LOVE FOR ALL… THE FORCES OF GOOD ARE HUMBLE AND UNASSUMING.”
Paramahansa Yogananda
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Oceanic Currents
Paramahansa Yogananda
“As soon as you lift your consciousness to the state of divine awareness, you see the oceanic current of God’s light flowing behind all matter.”
Stream in our backyard in Millbrook, New York that eventually flows into the Hudson River which in turn flows into the Atlantic Ocean, thereby hinting at global consciousness.
“Happiness lies in giving yourself time to think and to introspect. Be alone once in awhile, and remain more in silence.”
Paramahansa Yogananda
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Flower Seller for puja (offerings for the gods)
Allepey Town, Kerala, India
Simplicity
“Live more simply, so that you can find time to enjoy the little pleasures of life.”
Paramahansa Yogananda
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Fly in a Lily, Millbrook, New York
Equanimity
“Calmness is the voice of God speaking to you through the radio of your soul.”— Paramahansa Yogananda
A temple in Khajuraho, India at Dawn
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For contributions and an introduction to the children at Michael’s Makindye Foundation providing a home for street children in Uganda click on the link below. Michael and Angie appear in a photograph below the link.
https://www.gofundme.com/f/sustainability-support-for-the-makindye-foundation
Alternatives and Non-Pharmaceutical Aids for Bipolars, Depressives and Other Mentally Ill
I am Manic-Depressive, more specifically, Bipolar 1. Unable to take the mood stabilizers usually prescribed for Bipolar Disorder—Valproic acid, Lithium Carbonate, Tegretol, Neurontin and Depakote, my therapist had me on a cocktail of anti-psychotics. Been on an old anti-psychotic, Thiothixene, for about 20 years and a new, atypical anti-psychotic, Zyprexa, for 15 years (more on that drug later).
The anti-psychotics, however, or the neuroleptics as they are called, while keeping me out of the mental hospital and enabling to live a somewhat “normal” life, had a depressant effect on me, robbing my life of all the joy and creativity I used to enjoy, as well as, my mystical experiences in nature.
In an effort to get my spark back, I was put on practically every anti-depressant there is. From the old ones like Tofranil, Elavil, Norpramin and Pamelor, to the newer ones like Effexor, Wellbutrin, Prozac, Paxil and Zoloft. All of them were rejected for reasons as numerous as the drugs themselves. From blunted affect, severe nausea, and weight gain, to a total inability to function or outright mania, even minute doses were problematic. As were my trials of the newer anti-psychotics. And I have heard from many that they have had similar or even more severe reactions to the same medications. A friend of mine attempted suicide on Wellbutrin.
Finally a psychologist recommended St. John’s wort. I was very worried about taking that after all my bad experiences with anti-depressants. But I found a research grade St. John’s wort and gave it a try. I felt a difference the very next day despite being told the effects would kick in gradually. The change was dramatic as demonstrated in what I wrote after one day on St. John’s wort:
Ko-ko, our four-legged, faithful companion, runs into the bedroom, eager to join me on the bed, awash with pure joy. She takes a flying leap up and we lounge together like lizards basking in the sun, reclining requisitely together. It is day 2 of St. John’s wort. Am filled with a loving glow as Ko-ko nestles down to sleep beside me. The beauty of yesterday lingers in my memory—a vacation day spent with my husband in the Palisades on an early October day. The sweet, crackling autumn air filled our lungs as we climbed the Palisades for a spectacular view of the Hudson River. Our path strewn with crunchy, dry leaves. A trail leads us further upwards, the spongy ground, soft underfoot is strewn with paint box colored leaves. Yellow, crimsons, golden russets lay on the damp path, wet from yesterday’s rain. I give thanks to God in this cathedral of color. Try to experience the mysticism of my youth. Yearn to return to the photography and poetry writing of my pre-breakdown days. A revival of creativity. Thank you , God, for giving me my sight back.
As the days went by, more and more of the depression lifted. My husband was happier with me on the St. John’s wort because I was more loving. I also stopped drinking. Completely. And I had been a borderline alcoholic. The door to the prison had been opened and I was now freer. This improvement gradually leveled off and at times I found myself fighting depressions at times but nothing like the deep, black depressions before the SJW.
Still without a mood stabilizers I would cycle, but not psychotically. Next change to be made was to learn the hands on healing technique called Reiki in an attempt to recover my spirituality. Reiki continues to be a blessing as I do it daily to myself and in a prayer form for others. But I was still craving the spirituality of my youth.
Brought up Presbyterian and made to convert to Catholicism in grade school, organized religion was not working for me. I had done Transcendental Meditation in my twenties and dropped it for a reason I no longer remember. Continuing to pray rote prayers I followed Pema Chodron and Paramahansa Yogananda and others. I took about twenty of Yogananda’s lessons offered by Self-Realization Fellowship and meditated according to his teachings. I regard Yogananda as a saint, a true saint, but his path was not “doing it” for me. Tremendous anxiety would take over. And then, through Hariod Brawn on Contentedness.net, I met Mooji and I began listening to his guided meditations and watching his satsangs. Additionally, while convalescing from pneumonia recently, my husband read books written by an old friend he had while pursuing religious studies at the University of Edinburgh. A Celtic Christian minister and reformer, J. Philip Newell. Curious, I read him, too, and he helped me on the path with Mooji. Through Mooji I found that the Self is not Bipolar or OCD or Asperger’s or depressed. Those are troubles of the body/mind/ego self. The “person” in other words. If I can go into the “Presence of God” as Newell says, or into the “Self” as Mooji says, I can be well. Mooji has helped me regain my spirituality and is making me whole.
The last change I made was to get off the newer anti-psychotic, Zyprexa, for health reasons. The drug has horrid side effects including dizziness, heavy weight gain, problems with heat and more. The withdrawal from Zyprexa is very,very hard. I still have .5 mg to go to get off it completely. Meantime, the same company where I buy the research grade St. John’s wort, offers a homeopathic Lithium Orotate (not Lithium Carbonate) spray called Symmetry. Have been using that with great results. Am very even. Gone are the manic nights of insomnia and the deep, dark depressions that sometimes broke through the St. John’s wort. Gone is the rapid cycling.
The company that offers the research grade St. John’s wort (the only brand of St. John’s wort that has worked for me) is Hypericum.com. The homeopathic Lithium Ortotate is offered by the same company. I have no interest in this company and am not paid by them to offer this information. I am not saying that all these things will work for those you touched by the fire of Bipolar Disorder or the black hole of depression or any other disorder. And certainly you must consult your therapist before trying any medication. For example, you cannot mix St. John’s wort while taking certain drugs. Specially mixing St. John’s wort with other antidepressants can be very dangerous. I am just offering alternative to those of you who may have had the same experiences and presenting what has helped me in my own battles. Talk to your therapist if interested.
And last but not by any means least, is Mooji. All information about him is to be found at Mooji.org. There are many, many free Satsang and guided meditation videos available there and on YouTube.
He answered my question about being able to being “realized” despite having Bipolar Disorder and I see now what he said made all the difference in the world. The person is Bipolar but the Self is not! Through watching his satsangs and doing meditation with him daily I am returning to the spirituality of my youth, before my breakdown. I have miles to go but with his help I am more able to cope with this dream we call life.
Starburst
“Dear ones, the light of God is moving through me this day… I am in His sea of Light, in that eternal land. Wherever I am, in this life or beyond, I am always roaming in that eternity. I want you to come there also, for you are my brothers an sisters and I cannot bear to see you left in delusion.”
Paramahansa Yogananda
Rapid Cycling
Patterns of the microcosm
echoed in the macrocosm
vibrating thoughts
no meditation
lots of frustration
can’t calm down
do the Hong Sau
Yogananda method
the only hope
in this mind
doing 120 mph
in a 35 mph zone
time soon for sleep
frogs singing
a pre-dawn high
drained at noon
rapid cycling
twilight now
back to racing
raving
raging mind
need gentility
humility
quietude
to feel awe
to ponder
hit “Pause”
love in the afternoon
a natural anti-
depressant
sent sight soaring
in space
seeing patterns
everywhere
echoing symphonically
in noisy ears
the hum of quiet
seems too loud
flashing lights
status migrainous
with all over
crawling feeling
“not-theres”
stop I say
stop I pray
stop the way
the world spins
hurling in space
the race
the pace
exhaustion
please
take this body
in your arms
work your charms
on this alarm-
ing state
with alacrity
the paucity
of peace
needs mending
Oh evening
send hope
for ending
these frantic antics
quell the panic
break the day
and bring on
the dawn
of dreams
Beyond the Stars
Sitting in the sun, acclimating to the gentle June heat, swatting away an annoysome fly who keeps returning over and over, I know this swatting is definitely wrong—a stirring of the killer instinct. I remember naturalist artist and writer and turtle man, David M. Carroll, keeping his hand steady, while being bitten by hordes of mosquitoes, so as not to scare away the turtles as he paints them . Clearly he is a superior soul in his patient endurance of being bitten and as his, almost spiritual, beautifully poetic, writings and drawings reveal. I remember, too, the words of Pema Chodron, Buddhist teacher and nun, who teaches and preaches practicing compassion on little things, learning not to “bite the hook” of anger.
So I let the fly alight on my ankle and he seemingly happily stays on my leg and does not bite. I begin to try to image feeling kinship with this fly who likes my leg, fighting the idea that he is laying eggs in my skin. Pema Chodron has clearly inspired a city girl, afeared of bugs, to make friends with a fly as I watch the universe of insects beneath my feet. A Daddy Long legs crawls on my camera bag, hitches a ride to our bed when I go inside the house. I bring him back to his home outside.
This compassion things feels right, start small and grow big. As if to reinforce this point a butterfly lands on my chest when I return to my contemplation spot in our back yard. But all is not sweetness and light. Later the same fly (I swear it is) who landed on my leg now activates karma for my earlier murderous impulses towards him. He lands on my toe and bites me. A cautionary tale against getting too carried away with being virtuous. Still worse, later as I walk in the coolness of early evening, a bug lands on my arm and attempts a vigorous bite. In an instant, a reflexive smack smooches him dead.
So it would seem I have to start even smaller with my acts of compassion. How much smaller can one start? I wonder with daunting discouragement about the many, many more lives I will have to live to learn lessons of compassion and no anger. I contemplate the prospect of how many, many more films I will have to view in this movie house of Maya we call life. When, oh when, will I learn all my lessons? When, oh, when, will the sun set for good for me on this circle of life so I can exit the orbit and rest beyond the stars??
Resurrection
“From winter’s tomb of lifeless blossoms, thou, O Christ, art resurrected in new buds of roses, marigolds, bluebells, jasmine, and worldful varieties of flowers. Ever-mutating, multicolored flowers of lifetrons growing in the gardens of the astral land are fragrant thrones of thy Presence” ~ Paramahansa Yogananda
Hallelujah! He is risen.
The Hum of Life
The reverberations of love
jump across time and space
to another receptive heart
*
The reverberations of suffering
resound around the earth
picked up by open souls in prayer
*
The reverberations of Aum
most sacred of sounds
pulses through our minds in meditation
*
Love brings the possibility of loss
Suffering brings a totality of pain
Aum brings the reality of God within
MOONSIDE 
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