Death of Fear and the Beauty of Death

over fears
of what’s to come
Husband such a
precious soul…
Stay in the present
Enjoy every moment
of together
It is fleeting…

Bipolar mind
fight living
in the present


So unZen
Why can’t I
just be
like before
breakdown and
before medications


Why can’t I
be jolly with he
whom I worship

Why the constant
chatter of
loud thoughts
Would that I could
go with him
when it comes time

And if not
hope that I can
help with his
last breath
I want to
be the first
to go
quite selfishly
He who cared
for so many
deserves that I
care from me
for him
and more

Would that
each moment
were not filled
with looking
at Illness
Old age
and Death
and the fragility
Of having a body.

7 responses

  1. My dear friend Ellen who I miss …
    You are beautiful and very courageous to express and share your truth alongside your tender vulnerability … I embrace the depth of you , of who you are , of being touched so profoundly by your poetry , your art form , your gift to this world … I weep with your pain and yet hope for the discovery of beauty within sadness … I glimpse the jewel of bipolar and honor the sweet gift you are to me personally ( my daughter too is like you ) …
    sending love always

    Liked by 2 people

    November 7, 2016 at 11:07 AM

    • Such a beautiful, hear felt comment, dear Meg. I blush. I am so very sorry I have lost touch with you but it is not due to you. Hardly do I post anymore and can’t keep up with posts of those, like yourself, whom I hold dear. Thank you for your support from the bottom of my heart. Is your daughter Bipolar, too? Big hug, Ellen xx

      Liked by 1 person

      November 10, 2016 at 11:00 AM

      • Ellen dear ….I too haven’t been posting as much …yes my oldest daughter is bipolar raising 3 young girls alone … you always touch deeply in my heart …sending love


        November 11, 2016 at 10:34 AM

  2. Hi my dearest lady- my heart weighs heavily from your words and feelings. I pray a little prayer for you. I pray life will be a little more clear and exuding the scents of the beautiful flowers that surround us, if we only dare to see.
    I love you. I wish to tell you that John and I married on August 21. And are happy. Love you my dear.

    Liked by 1 person

    November 7, 2016 at 3:30 PM

    • Dearest Yisraela,

      I did know you had married in August and wrote you with my deepest good wishes and happiness for both of you. I am so very glad you are happy and pray for you as I thank YOU for your prayers. Much love, Ellen xxoo


      November 10, 2016 at 11:04 AM

  3. drinking that cup, …
    the uncertainties,
    all these endless
    noises of the mind

    love and compassion
    patience and gratitude
    are just one side
    of the spectrum

    I hear your cries
    at this moment
    I am with you

    Liked by 1 person

    November 10, 2016 at 8:42 AM

    • Dearest Bert,
      Thank you most deeply for your beautiful poem and for your compassion and caring. I knew you had these qualities from the beginning when I first found your posts. A lovely friendship. From the depths of my heart, Ellen

      Liked by 1 person

      November 10, 2016 at 11:23 AM

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