Sadhguru’s Cure for a Spiritual Lobotomy

Another invisible illness silently
sapping quality of life
vertigo and acute nausea
now join
constant migraines
and, with Aspergers, I am
more of a recluse than ever
But my beloved stands by me
A few weeks ago
I wanted to die
Bipolar, too, you see
too sick to sleep
too long a wait
to see a doctor
My beloved, my savior
keeps me going.
But I must fight on my own
and have enlisted Sadhguru
an Indian mystic and Yogi and guru
who promises bliss.

Meditating and chanting every day
with my beautiful husband
whose love
pulls me through
My husband the healer
who worked
with the poorest of the poor
the dejected and rejected
the condemned
My husband who married me
despite my mental illness.

Sadhguru says my mind
can poison my body
Sadhguru, my last best hope
I meditate and chant Aum
with him daily
living the life of a hermit
in a 3 room box in New York City
rather than in a cave in the Himalayas
Desperately seeking
the spirituality of years ago
before antipsychotic medication
gave me a spiritual lobotomy
A trade off
it offered me
some sort of stability
to have a quasi normal life
with my devoted husband
of 28 years.

Why can’t you have
pharmacological sanity
that allows you to love
AND spirituality???
I am going to try…
With Sadhguru.

9 responses

  1. Sorry to hear that suffering has brought you to this, a breakthrough into finding the key that’ll unlock the puzzle, must be not far away. I’m listening to Sadhguru while writing this; the slightly bizarre example of the frog, and the point of it is to identify the source, through many layers and not making assumptions. I hope this helps you find the motivation to continue through these layers…

    Liked by 1 person

    September 16, 2017 at 12:02 AM

    • Thank you for your understanding, Tiramit. And for your good wishes! I know there is so much anguish and suffering in the world. I have so much to be grateful for. But sometimes the balance of juggling physical ills with a major mental illness push me over the edge. I hope Sadhguru’s yogic practices will help. The frog story perhaps not the best he offers. Thank you again for your compassion.

      Liked by 1 person

      September 16, 2017 at 11:11 AM

  2. I am so glad you have a
    loving companion to be at your side during your journey into clarity. Blessings and grace be with you.

    Liked by 1 person

    September 16, 2017 at 3:29 PM

    • Thank you so much, Cheyenne! May peace and the Source be with you as well! xxellen


      September 16, 2017 at 4:17 PM

  3. Running Elk

    WIshing much healing, dearest Ellen. May Sadhguru bring the peace you seek. {{{HUGS}}} xx

    Liked by 1 person

    September 18, 2017 at 4:11 PM

    • Dearest Running Elk,
      Thanks so very much for your good wishes!! Will try to keep up with you more now. I see you have been writing lots of posts but I have been very bad at reading any posts except one who has connected with me outside Wordpess. Glad you seem better. Hugs to you , dear One. xxellen

      Liked by 1 person

      September 18, 2017 at 9:47 PM

      • Running Elk

        Thank you, Ellen. Don’t worry about what the rest of us are up to! Just focus on your own wellbeing, gather your strength, and come back to us when you are ready. Know you are loved, and our thoughts are often with you. {{{Big hugs}}} (I know, I know! But we are kinda weird that way… 😉 ) Much love to you and hubby, both. ❤ xx

        Liked by 1 person

        September 19, 2017 at 4:20 PM

      • Dearest Running Elk,
        You will never know how much your words mean to me. You have always been so supportive and loving. A simple thank you and hugs back are all I can offer. ♡♡♡ Take good care and God bless, xxellen


        September 20, 2017 at 9:37 PM

  4. Beautifully written, Ellen. I do hope things have improved for you. x x x


    December 30, 2017 at 7:23 PM

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