When the Snows Come

My husband and I sit in our living room with all the little still-intact dairy barn windows showing flakes falling as if we are on ship at sea in a snowfall. Except for the high ceiling the living room has the feeling of a ship cabin, our converted dairy barn, and I think it is most beautiful when the snow is falling.
The glass doors at the pentagon of the far end of the barn gives us perfect view of the suet bird feeder. We only feed the birds suet in winter because in summer a fat raccoon comes and eats the whole suet cake in one sitting. The bird feeder in winter is our television. We watch male cardinals, bright red in the stark white, feed and contend with the beautiful, bullying blue jays. And the more modest and gentle little juncos and sparrows touch our hearts with their humility.
One winter, when the snow had covered the ground for a month or so and turned to solid ice we watched horrified as squirrels clawed at the feeder and fought with one another for a chance to feed making their shrill cries of territoriality. That hasn’t happened since and we think the ground was too frozen for them to retrieve the nuts and such that they buried in the fall and they were fighting off starvation.
Waking up in the morning there is no need for a weather report as we see the snow piled high on the surrounding trees and we see the sky through the second story doorway in the barn where they used to bring hay inside, now a cathedral window in our bedroom. The thermometer in the former hay loft tells us how cold it is though we can feel how chill the air is. It is great to wake up to see the squirrels running along the limbs of the trees, cleaning off the heavy snow. They seem friskiest just aftter a snowfall.
And if we are lucky and the snow is deep enough we get out our snow shoes and climb up the hill behind our little barn to what we were once told was a Christian Indian burial ground. There are no markers left but the spot has the air of the sacred and it affords a small view of the Catskills in winter. High on the hill overlooking the valley, it seems a perfect place for a burial ground. The snowfall makes it easier to walk the hill which in the summer is too full of saplings and underbrush to be able to walk the “meadow” as we call it. We only get it brush hog mowed once a year.
Our property does not include the entire meadow but on our half of the meadow there is a squat fir tree there which provides a great shelter for deer in a storm and the deer love the meadow. There are a few blown over trees. And as we snow shoe we see all kinds of animal tracks which we attempt to identify. And animal shelters from the harsh elements.

Like many barns, ours was built near the road so we do get some traffic noise. But in the meadow we are far removed from the road and its bustle. And when it snows, it is so beautiful in the quiet, looking at the animal tracks and feeling the spirits in the graveyard. Our secret little piece of Paradise. And to stand there in the silence, in the virgin white, and see the abstract patterns of the snow on the surrounding hundreds of trees is divine.

Welcome to samples of my writing and art work showcasing “Eye-locks and Other Fearsome Things.” “Eye-locks” is a Bipolar/Asperger’s memoir in narrative form that describes the triumph of love over mental illness.
December 30, 2022 | Categories: Animal & Landscape Photographs, Animal Columns & Poems, Animal photos, Nature Columns, Nature Photography, Winter Trees | Tags: Animal homes, Barn in Snow, Barns, Deer, Meadows, Snow, Trees in Winter, Winter | 32 Comments
Late Summer Visions
Poetry is gone, visions my only words.
September 8, 2016 | Categories: Animal & Landscape Photographs, Nature Photography, Videos | Tags: Barns, Ducks, End of Summer, Herons, Horses, Lake, Marshes, Videos, Wild flowers | 22 Comments
Secret Spaces
The cool of green shade
steps to a secret place
locked doors of a shed
the innocence of childhood lost
in a matter of minutes
and no one knew
for years and years and years
dare break the silence even now
Grandpa did a naughty
and it remained
forgotten for years
until you shared your story
of what happened to you
there were other times
of lesser evil
but sketched in memory
enough to sting
even now
so many decades later
I have forgiven
but no longer forgotten
from so early in life
I adored him
the trust
etched deep wounds
though the misdemeanors minor
by most standards
just enough to give pause
if I see a secret place
all too inviting
for the sins
of
a forbidden intimacy
just enough to
add guilt and shame and fear
where they do not belong
inside me
in stillness
in the shade
June 24, 2014 | Categories: Animal & Landscape Photographs, Anxiety, Asperger's & Autism, Bipolar Disorder, Depression and Mania, Nature Photography, Poetry, Segments and references to my memoir, Uncategorized | Tags: Barns, Broken trust, Child abuse, Childhood Memories, Childhood shame, Early childhood, Grandpa, Grandparents, Hidden places, Incest, Landscape Photography, Memoir, Pedophilia, Poetry, Sexual abuse | 30 Comments
Abandonata
Abandoned by life
choked by overgrowth of unkempt green
once upon a time
breathing, seething with energy
steaming with the hot breath of cattle
teaming with the tenuous tenure of life
*
Your body long gone
your loving heart now ashes
your caring now a memory
which nothing can erase
and time cannot erode.
*
How I long for thee
though a mere thin veil
separates your spirit from me
small comfort
when I miss thee mightily.
August 3, 2013 | Categories: Animal & Landscape Photographs, Loss, Poetry | Tags: Abandonment, Barns, Death, Farm animals, Grief, loss | 20 Comments
Hooked
You hooked me,
twenty-eight years ago,
with your shy smile
and elusive ways.
I was scared
but you were more so
which made me brave.
I would I had known you all my life
(or even before)
but I feel/felt like I had
although it took years for me to find you.
With your rough hewn edges
you taught me to speak up
when before I spoke not.
I have learned to take care
because you have taught me to dare
and today on our 24th wedding memory,
despite our little irritations and frustrations
as an old married couple,
I am hook-line-and-sinker-
in-love-with-you,
and want to use what time is left
together
to bring one and other to God.
May 14, 2013 | Categories: Asperger's and Love, Macro Photography, Poetry | Tags: Asperger's Love, Asperger's marriage, Barns, Bipolar Love, Love, Macro Photography, Old Married Couple, Poetry, Wedding Anniversary | 19 Comments
Old Barn with Window View
Could not resist the lovely curve of the roof of this little red barn– some might call old age sag.
February 5, 2013 | Categories: Animal & Landscape Photographs | Tags: Barns, Landscape Photography, Old Age, Windows, Winter | Leave a comment
Patterns Repeated
January 20, 2013 | Categories: Animal & Landscape Photographs | Tags: Barns, Horses, Landscape Photography, Lines, Patterns, Snow, Trees, Winter | Leave a comment