TRIUMPH OF SPIRIT IN LOVE, NATURE & ART

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When Spiders Rule


A chill wind blows the yellowing leaves off the trees.  They drift down to the ground like giant snowflakes.  The air is pregnant with the feel of the coming holidays.  Fall has truly come with the sudden drop in temperatures.  November appears as a mirror image of March.  November is the vibrant color of decay while March is the decaying color of about-to-burst-forth Spring.

The birds are at the bird feeder all the time now.  They are not stopped by our presence when we come to fill the feeder or blow leaves under it.  Nothing stops them.  They swoop around the feeder and the surrounding trees like Kamikaze pilots, darting here and there recklessly.  The squirrels are in a frenzy as well, stock piling and burying acorns and walnuts which they will retrieve without fail in a month or so in a snow-covered land.

The trees are most beautiful for me at this time of year, when many of them are bare and a scattering of leaves remain on dark brown branches.   The leaves that remain on the trees blow on the limbs with dainty grace in their precarious positions.  Yet these are the survivors.  The other leaves have fallen and gone the way all living things eventually go.  Most trees have lost all their leaves and they stand in stark contrast against the blue sky, the stormy sky, even the night sky.  They are perhaps most beautiful at night, like arms reaching up to the darkness trying to grab at the stars twinkling between the branches.  Moonlight dances on their limbs.

November is the last glimmer of color and in some places the color seems to be predominantly yellow.  A carpet of yellow lines the woods now.  And now one can see inside the woods, so dark and impenetrable in summer. Some forests have carpets of oak leaves– dark brown tan in color.  Or there are forest paths with variegated colors– vibrant crimsons against yellows and faded greens and tawny tans.  The unmown lawns are now taken over by the spiders and, at moments, one can see a world of webs covering fields that only appear in a certain slant of sunlight.  It is the silent take over of the spiders before the snows come.

The yellow, the brown, the crimson leaves are complemented by the ubiquitous yellow, brown and crimson mums that appear on the roadside near mail boxes, on porches or along driveways.  These tough little flowers withstand frosty chills and stand tall throughout most of November.  Hearty souls and so giving in their colorful, velvety splendor.

Soon the season of lights will begin.  Autumn, as a season, seems the fastest to come and go.  I hold each moment in my hands as a treasure, but the moments all sift through my fingers like grains of sand. Then Christmas comes and fades in a flash, and we are into the Nor’Easter blizzards of January.   Another year is gone.  The years do go faster as you grow older.  We go about living our lives, trying, against our natures, to treasure the good moments.  Now in November, at Thanksgiving, it is our time to say thank you. Inspired by the Native Americans let us thank the earth.  Let us say thank you to the trees for their constantly changing beauty, to the stars for their piercing presence in the night sky, to the leaves for their beauteous colors, to the sun for its life-giving power, to the Spring for its awakening hope, to the Summer for its warm, thriving growth, to the Fall for its bounty, to the Winter for a time of renewal, to the snow flakes for their hushed, white silence that transforms our world, to the animals for their pure souls, to our families and friends for their love, and, lastly but mostly, to the Higher Power of our belief.

Happy Thanksgiving and may you each be blessed with the all embracing, pervasive Love in nature.

Beginnings and Endings


No one in my family liked summer.  Probably because we lived in New York City and summer is not fun there.  Moving upstate changed all that. I must admit to a weakness for those beautiful June days when the temperature reaches perfection, the sky is blue with fluffy clouds, and a soporific breeze wafts through the trees.  And true, one has much more time with the four or five extra hours of sunlight. Still in all, when the first hints of fall come I am bordering on ecstatic. 

First there is the change in light.  The sun, still hot in mid-September, does not pack the punch it did in July, when one could be outdoors for an hour and come in with a change in skin color. Temperatures cool.  The grass does not grow as fast.  The “blood” of the trees starts to flow back into the trunk causing leaves to change color. Walnuts, acorns and apples fall.  The bats leave the attic for warmer climes, giving us yet another chance to plug up holes inside to keep them outside next summer.  Summer houses are closed down.  Traffic on the Taconic Parkway lessens.  Schools are in full session. And vacations are over. Time to “hunker down” again and mean business.  Fall offers a new beginning and there is a tinge of excitement added to the anxiety in facing some thing new.

And most of all, fall is a time of riotous color, when a walk in the woods finds one reveling like a drunk, besotted by the yellow, orange, crimson, russet world which our eyes imbibe like a hefty cocktail.  It is a time when Italian comes to the lips in a loud “Que bella!!”  The green of summer is bucolic and raises the spirit, but the many colors of fall intoxicate.  People start talking of peak color, and leafing becomes the pastime of many.  It is the time to plant bulbs and endlessly rake blowing leaves.

But fall is a time of melancholia, too. Flowers die.  Reptiles go into hibernation.  Insects die or overwinter.  Songbirds migrate.  Trees eventually loose their leaves.  Anxiety over new beginnings can be uncomfortable.  And the end of the lazy days of summer brings with it shorter days, longer nights, and possible depression for many people.  Moments of sobriety seep into intoxication with the new world of color as we may remember loved ones who can no longer share the beauty… who can no longer enjoy those cold crisp days that start in September and flourish in October, days so coveted in August, when coolness brushes the cheeks.  For autumn is a celebration of endings, too, perhaps best described by the French poet, Appollinaire, in his poem Autumn:

                      “A bowlegged peasant and his ox receding

                      through the mist slowly through the mist of autumn…

                      Oh the autumn the autumn has been the death of summer

                      In the mist there are two gray shapes receding.”

Watercolor paintings


Homage to Kandinsky

(Click to enlarge)

Ultraviolet Plumes”

(Click to enlarge)

These paintings were done in 2006. They were inspired by the beauty of natural scenes and landscapes of upstate New York… Millbrook, New York. They are fueled by my handicaps of Bipolar Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder and they represent the positive sides of these conditions.

A Foretaste of Fall


(revised version)

It is the school-imposed end of summer, Labor Day weekend, a weekend I look forward to all summer long for the love of Fall.  It is not good to be this way.  Religious leaders preach living in the present for that is all we have.  I have yet to overcome this and many other bad ways of thinking.  I look forward to the crisp days of September when a breeze shimmers through, what I call in my ignorance of the real name, the penny tree. It is so named because when the wind blows the leaves look like so many pennies shimmering down from Heaven.  I live for the days when the sun is so hot it tingles on the skin– yet it is not the strong sun of July that burns quickly.  The angle of the sun in its diurnal slant is different.  Summer is definitely slipping away.

The bees, wasps and yellow jackets are having a heyday in the goldenrod, Joe Pye Weed and Purple Loosestrife.  The marsh is thick with flying insects going this way and that.  My eyes capture swallowtails.  Happily the monarchs are still here.  A turkey vulture circles overhead.  Some carrion must be nearby.  Earlier we saw two golden hawks fly sunlit into the back field.  A wisp of a cloud floats by in an otherwise perfectly blue sky.  This summer has flown by in the blink of an eye like a fritillary flits by the flowers in the marsh.

The smell of fresh cut lawn is intoxicating to my raw senses.  Soon the grass will cease to grow and the lush green will look washed out.  All of its inhabitants in the metropolis beneath our feet will dig deep underground or turn off their bodily systems to overwinter– an amazing concept to a mammal.  Some fill their bodies with a type of antifreeze.  Nature never ceases to astound.  This summer I have made my peace with the insects.  Terrified of them as a child I have come to love and respect them, indeed hold them in awe for the feats they accomplish.  Our accomplishments pale as humans, supposedly so superior.

No longer do I see turtles sunning on rocks or snakes coming out to bask in the heat of the road.  Some species of birds have left already– unbeknownst to me.  I just know that some I used to see are gone and the bird song of the spring mating season is a fleeting memory.  One lone humming bird flies around the marsh intermittently, causing excitement upon spotting him.

It is the time to dead head the flowers of summer.  It is the time of Black-Eyed Susans and Peonies and Sebum.  And soon it will be the time of the Mums.

With each gust of wind yellow finger-like walnut leaves shower down on our heads– like large yellow snowflakes– a foretaste of snowfalls to come.  The sun’s shadows grow long as twilight is near.  Soon the white cloud “lions and tigers and bears” will retire into the black cave of night.  And the summer will die and in dying, give birth to fall. The comfortable rhythm of the changing season beats in our sometimes unhearing hearts.

(Aknowledgements to “likes” and comments may be delayed. Recuperating from surgery.)

A Midsummer’s Night’s Dream


As twilight falls, as we approach August, the little sparks of light appear nightly… fireflies, lightening bugs, glow worms, whatever one chooses to call them.  They start early in July– one sees a few sparks here and there but as July draws to a close, twilights dawn with a display of tiny fireworks.  Why do they hold such fascination for young and old alike?  Why do they bring us such a sense of wonder as they flicker on and off in some rhythm unknown to us but sparkling in communication with one another?

Of course I remember, like everyone else, catching fireflies.   It was a ritual my Sicilian grandfather reenacted with me every summer.  Grandma would save me a peanut butter jar, nicely washed with little holes in the top she made with an old-fashioned can opener.  Grandpa and I would go out for an after-dinner walk, a treat in itself.  It was a journey with a purpose, a hunt to catch those bugs whose tail ends light up, on and off, I learned later, to signal mates.

Grandpa always managed to catch one and we would walk home victorious, with me clutching my precious jar with my favorite kind of bug residing within.  There was the exciting story we would tell Grandma and she would give me a lettuce leaf in case the bug should be hungry in the night.  Then to bed.  And then the real waiting began… lying in the dark with the jar on the bedside table waiting for my captive bug to alight.  I would wait and wait but no flickering light appeared and before long I would fall asleep in the arms of disappointment.

It was even worse in the morning.  The lightening bug did not look well.  His antennae would be damp and sticking to the jar in a bad way.  He was not eating the lettuce leaf.  And this was my first lesson in the perils of capturing and imprisoning a creature.  They did not behave like they did when free.  Finally in a child’s form of  despair, I would let him go and he would leave so much the worse for wear.

Years later, on my husband’s great aunt’s farm in Ohio, the trees would be filled with lightening bugs mating.  It was a sight I had never seen.  Whole trees would light up at once and upon close examination one would find hundreds of fireflies.  It was a cathedral of flickering lights that brought awe as we beheld the mystery with our hearts.

And now, living in a converted barn which allows many bugs to enter despite window screens, the lightening bugs within are no longer in a jar but free to fly about our house. They bring sheer delight as they light up in the darkness of our bedroom.  I am a child again with my beloved grandfather, though now I no longer want to capture the mystery as I stay awake as long as possible, watching the little flickering lights inside the room and outside in the trees.  I think of simpler days and after dinner walks with Grandpa.  I think a lot of my grandparents, but in the nostalgia, the magic of this tiny bug amazes still.  And the magic brings joy as we share it with our children, our grandchildren, our beloved, anyone who can watch with us this Midsummer Night’s dream.

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