Illusion Crumbles




Age has crept up on us

like a thief in the night

I think

as I watch the clock hands

remain stuck on 1:30

as I wait

in the third doctor’s office

in six days

with my newly retired husband

ill again

with the illness

that drove him

from his beloved work

with the poorest of the poor

mentally ill

and I wonder

as I worry

about him

how did he do it

and why

and why

did he marry me

taking my major mental illness

as a dowry

and I wonder

how did it happen

that we got so old

we look at people

30 years our junior

on the TV

in the waiting room

and think ourselves

like them

but we are not

old age has crept in

like a thief in the night

were we always broken

cast under a veil

of delusion

which now becomes

seen at times

as bodies

fall ill

and age creeps in

are we finally seeing

the unreality of the “reality”?



38 responses

  1. shedding tears of empathy here…

    Liked by 1 person

    May 6, 2016 at 9:44 AM

  2. Ellen
    Oh how much I felt so many mixed emotions resounding through your post. My heart cries for you and your husband.
    Prayers for you both.
    Your words and the art were so together. They added to the sadness I felt for you both.
    I love you. And please try to find goodness through it all.
    Much love

    Liked by 1 person

    May 6, 2016 at 11:41 AM

    • Thank you, dear Yisraela! Have thought of you often and wondered how your doing. I hope your health is better, especially as your big day approaches!! Love, Ellen


      May 7, 2016 at 5:26 PM

  3. Beautiful. Interesting how emotionally we feel young even as our bodies age. Send you and your husband my love and keep you both in my prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

    May 6, 2016 at 11:45 PM

    • Thank you so much, Kitt! Hope you got to that spa and got some care for yourself!! Love and prayers for your difficult situation, Ellen

      Liked by 1 person

      May 7, 2016 at 5:29 PM

  4. Amazing photos and a sense of Edgar Allen Poe. I’m saying this hoping that the suffering you’re experiencing is not so severe as you cannot see the beauty in it all – I suspect it’s all of a oneness. Life can have this dark elegance at times. “Age has crept up on us ike a thief in the night” I’ve had this feeling recently.
    “…are we finally seeing the unreality of the “reality”?” It may well be, discovering the great caverns of emptiness in what we thought was real life. I suppose it just gets like that sometimes…

    Liked by 2 people

    May 7, 2016 at 6:59 AM

    • Tiramit, Thank you for responding though I know you are in pain. There IS a dark elegance to suffering. I first felt this long ago while having a turkey sandwich one Thanksgiving in a hospital cafeteria as my mother lay upstairs in her last days. Yes, age catches up with us all if we make it that long. Wishing you some pain free time! In the unreality of it all, Ellen

      Liked by 1 person

      May 7, 2016 at 5:39 PM

  5. Hard, but beautiful, Ellen. Love the photograph.

    Liked by 1 person

    May 7, 2016 at 7:03 AM

  6. Genie

    Your dear husband saw more in you than mental illness, your dowry to him was and is: Soulfulness.

    Liked by 2 people

    May 7, 2016 at 2:12 PM

    • What a beautiful thing to say, Genie!! Thank you! Glad to see you are still going strong!!
      Love, Ellen

      Liked by 1 person

      May 7, 2016 at 5:43 PM

  7. beauty in the old!

    Liked by 1 person

    May 15, 2016 at 12:07 PM

  8. Very touching …

    Liked by 1 person

    May 21, 2016 at 6:39 AM

  9. Your writing is exquisite, Ellen, and I think Genie hit the nail on the head. Love involves seeing truly. It is the greatest gift we give one another. I do hope, as Tiramit said, you can contact the richness and the beauty that is within the structure of the sorrow and the looking back you are finding. Much love to you both, Michael

    Liked by 1 person

    June 5, 2016 at 2:13 PM

  10. elmediat

    We climb stairs to discover,
    we are in a waiting room.
    Waiting for high school,
    waiting for college,
    waiting for that meaningful job,
    waiting for a soulmate,……
    waiting to be.
    Somehow, we always think
    that we are at least three decades off floors
    from where we actually are,
    still dreaming to be.

    Take care. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    June 7, 2016 at 12:57 PM

  11. Dear Ellen, I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to get to this marvellous post. The images and the poem are both beautiful. I love the palette of the photos and the compositions, and they go so well with your poem. I feel that ‘Am I really that old?’ too. x o x

    Liked by 1 person

    June 11, 2016 at 8:35 PM

    • Thanks for stopping by, Ashley!! Thank you for your encouraging remarks. And you feel old???!!! From what I can see of you in your photos, you look to be quite young. Nice to see you here. xxoo Ellen


      June 12, 2016 at 10:37 AM

      • I’m 56, Ellen. And most of my self portraits are blurred or distorted in some way. Plus I tend to avoid including my jowls! Haha!

        Liked by 1 person

        June 12, 2016 at 6:45 PM

      • I had you pegged for 40s. Anyhow I beat you at 66. 🙂


        June 13, 2016 at 3:50 PM

  12. Ellen, Malin is about to set an assignment on her blog –

    and the theme will be ‘decay’.
    I don’t know the deadline yet but I think one of these images woud be perfect as a contribution. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    June 11, 2016 at 8:39 PM

    • Thank you so much, Ashley! Very generous of you to think of me. I don’t know Malin’s blog. Will have to check it out. Right now can’t even get to the computer. Busted my ankle but deadline is June 30. Are you sending one in? And how are things going? You seem very productive! Not blogging but do check in to your blog and a few others periodically on my phone. XXOO to you, and thank you again, Ellen


      June 12, 2016 at 10:32 AM

      • Yes, I’m contributing. I hope your ankle is healed soonest.

        Liked by 1 person

        June 12, 2016 at 6:47 PM

      • Look forward to seeing your contribution!  Thank you for your good wishes!  xxellen 

        Sent from my Verizon, Samsung Galaxy smartphone


        June 13, 2016 at 4:19 PM

  13. Poignant as always, Ellen. You know to create beauty and tears in one fell swoop.
    Blessings & hugs ~ Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

    June 13, 2016 at 5:12 PM

  14. Sue

    Love the image – a great metaphor for your words


    July 1, 2016 at 5:06 AM

  15. Words and image — honest and strong.

    Liked by 1 person

    July 27, 2016 at 9:51 AM

  16. You love someone, not so much as for what they are, but more in spite of what they are. Even more so when we get older.

    Liked by 1 person

    May 15, 2022 at 12:36 PM

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