MOONSIDE

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The Veil of Love

4AM
and you a warm lump
under the covers
of Morpheus
and me wide awake
with eyes moist with tears
I write
lest I forget
the vulnerability of you
yesterday
lest one day
you ARE no longer
a day of dread
so locked into desire
for your presence am I
fearful of the future
lest it tears me from you
or me from you
“Until death do us part”
the import of those words
have begun to resound
with a fierce vengeance
now 30 years later
the treasure of you
multiplies like the loaves and fishes
for I fear a famine
not of food
but of your presence
I try to hold each wrinkled emotion
on your face
in a forever place in my heart
lest you be torn from me
Not following the wisdom
of the sages
to live forever in the present
the specter of loss
hangs over me
haunting our life together
And yesterday
when you cried
when you disguised your tears
with embarrassed laughter
your eyes dripped diamonds,
sparkling as they fell
in response to mine
I crying because
there will never be
a happily ever after
at our age
sure as shooting
death will come
and rip us asunder
Perhaps our love
will be born again
in Samsara
but it is a “perhaps”
without a guarantee
My faith is feint
and my heart shudders
and flutters
under the threat
of separation
as you lay
a lump of warmth
in the land of Nod
Our love a fairy tale
in a fierce steely reality
of endings.

“Unless we can discover that basic ground of goodness in our own lives, we cannot hope to improve the lives of others.”
Chogyam Trungpa

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

Posted by stockdalewolfe | February 13, 2016 | Categories: Anxiety, Asperger's and Love, Loss, Nature Photography, Poetry, Uncategorized | 36 Comments

The Dawn of Hope and the Hope of Dawn

I await the dawn
rigid with anxiety
each minute an hour
as you sleep beside me
lost in the land of Morpheus.
I cannot rest,
try talking to God
cannot hear Him.
Where is He?
No Presence felt
inside my icy heart.
Do the birds wait
like me, in despair,
for that first magenta burst
of the high and mighty sun?
Then when the first light comes
you awaken and bring tea,
I put my hand on your back
to bless you with Reiki,
as we lounge together drinking warmth.
And I feel God’s presence
and I feel joy and peace and love,
all snug in bed with you and God…
It is for these few special moments
I live.

Posted by stockdalewolfe | January 25, 2016 | Categories: Animal & Landscape Photographs, Anxiety, Asperger's and Love, Black and White Photography, Nature Photography, Poetry, Spirituality, Uncategorized | Tags: Anxiety, Birds, Dawn, Depression, Despair, God, Hope, Love, Mornings, Prayer, Pre-dawn, Presence, Sleep, Sun, Sunrise | 24 Comments

Glimpses of a Natural Christmas

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL WITH ALL MY LOVE,

ELLEN

Posted by stockdalewolfe | December 22, 2015 | Categories: Animal & Landscape Photographs, Christmas and Hanukkah, Videos | 24 Comments

A Mooji Fall

Maybe the last post, certainly the last for some time.

Following the way of Mooji and the energy negates blogging.

Thank you to a few friends: Bert, Ashley, Tiramit, Sue Vincent and Hariod and more.

Sending love.

Posted by stockdalewolfe | November 22, 2015 | Categories: Animal & Landscape Photographs, Mooji, Nature Photography | 33 Comments

Women’s Health Week – The Gift of Friendship by Sue Vincent

Please read this post that includes Sue’s post on friendship and her own PTSD. I am ever grateful for her support of those of us who are mentally ill. Thank you, Sue, and thank you, Smorgasborg blog, for posting this highly important post on mental illness!!

Posted by stockdalewolfe | July 30, 2015 | Categories: Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Song of Glass

Heavenly bird song
Coming from under my AC
In the torrid heat of the city
Who are you singing to
Such sweet sounds
Like balm to the soul
Are you sent by God
As a messenger
Of the Divine
Your song
A stained glass
Portrait of divine color
Before my eyes
Oh, gentle creature
How do you survive
In the harsh life
Of the city?
Thank you for
A few minutes
Of divinity
Coming to rest
On my fire escape

Posted by stockdalewolfe | July 29, 2015 | Categories: Poetry, Spirituality, Uncategorized, Windows and architecture photographs | Tags: Bird Song, Birds, Heat, Spirituality, Summer in the city, Urban living | 20 Comments

Summer Inertia?

Am I caught in a web

like a fly in a drainpipe?

Or is it summer inertia,

The lazy, hazy daze?

Could it be

I have lost it totally

to a pharmaceutical lobotomy?

Or am I processing still

retreat with Mooji?

Anger is more controlled

and that is good

but creativity has taken a vacation and

kidnapped my muse leaving

no urge to make new words or pictures?

Anxiety rules

and love flows

making me bow my head in prayer

and that is good

but what has happened to me?

I do not understand what I read

and have trouble processing

and cannot even comment.

Perhaps I am empty…

Posted by stockdalewolfe | July 17, 2015 | Categories: Abstract Photography, Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, Depression and Mania, Mooji, Poetry, Spirituality | Tags: Bipolar Depression, Depression, Drain pipes, Lack of creativity, Medication change, Mooji, Silence, Spider Webs | 28 Comments

Image

Seen Better Days

Posted by stockdalewolfe | June 30, 2015 | Categories: Street Photography, Windows and architecture photographs | Tags: Architectural details, Architecture, Digital Photography, Street Photography, Windows | 12 Comments

The Grace of Presence

Oh, God,
your gentle breezes
caress my physical form.
I have been sick,
Pill sick
Mentally sick
Soul sick
for so long,
Overwhelmed by fear,
selfish concerns,
physical ills.
What has changed today?
How come today
I can see beyond the self
To the Self?
Is it so mundane
as to be due to a coolness waft of air?
Or is it a taste of infinity?
A wormhole to your realm?
An undeserved dollop of grace?
You are inside always
and yet so often I cannot feel you
at all!
And I lapse into despondency,
anxiety,
preoccupation with the self,
the person,
the ego.
Why today can I see Thee
In the galaxy of stars within?
Why today?
How can I keep this view
Of you?
Despite problems, illness,
please take me over,
please let me see
Thee daily within.
Please let me love you
and all who live
with wild abandon
and the diamond dazzle of compassion,
without restraint.
Tears cleanse
make amends
for my many sins,
Oh, Zephyr of air,
wafting with the perfume
of the Divine
that permeates
all.
Please stay
forever in my heart,
and blow away
fears and tears
and usurp
the self forever!

Posted by stockdalewolfe | June 20, 2015 | Categories: Abstract Photography, Meditations, Mood Photographs, Mooji, Poetry, Spirituality, Uncategorized | Tags: Abstract Photography, Breezes, Mooji, Non-duality, Poetry, Prayer, Presence, Supplication | 35 Comments

Reactions to a Retreat with Sri Mooji

I went to the Zmar retreat online from New York City a week and a half ago in very bad shape. Was going through withdrawal from a psychiatric drug for Bipolar, having been on it for 20 years, and having a really tough time. But came the Zmar retreat with Mooji, and I entered in desperation, which is actually a good way to start a retreat. Had done an intensive with Mooji before and all sorts of resistances came up and a cleansing, Satsang flu, Mooji calls it. This time was different. Resistance came and went. My body cleansed itself. But there came an inkling, a little doorway into the Self. A peak into the peace felt long ago with Holy Communion in the Catholic Church and in meditation with Yogananda. For whatever reason, those doors closed to me. I wanted a guru who was still in bodily form to listen to and follow.

The retreat started auspiciously. Eager to begin, when the opening ceremony started and Mooji appeared, three separate instances of energy running up my spine told me it would be a good retreat. Mooji places no special value on the Kundalini energy. “Child’s play” he calls it. Still for me it was a sign this was the right place to be.

Up at 3 and 4 AM in the silence of pre-dawn in New York City to hear a 2-4 hour Satsang. And then came back at 2:30 for another 2-4 hour one. Mooji spoke healing words. They were like salve to a gaping wound. He spoke tough words, too, but all was done with great love.

The Zmar retreat was such a blessing. Some parts were rough. And some parts scary when the energy led to intense releases in some people.

The “person” still dominates but so many people in the Sangha expressed feelings and questions like mine. That gave me hope. And some people did awaken. As an added bonus, an answer came with a solution to a medication problem that has had positive results.

The Sangha was wonderful and staff inspirational. I desperately want my heart to open as I see it has in Mooji and his staff. Don’t know that it will. But Mooji’s self-inquiry works to help step back from the self, the ego, the person, the mind. He teaches us to be aware of the tricks the mind plays. His Being meditations bring Presence. If you are interested, he has many videos of Satsangs and guided meditations on YouTube open to all. I offer the one below as an introduction.

I love you so much, dear Mooji. You show such compassion and love. Thank you for your endless patience and outpouring of your magnificent heart. You live to help people find the Self, people tortured by “mind” and the “person/ego”.