“My Eyes are Leaking”
The world a watery blur
one less source of joy and laughter
on this ailing earth
a delight to so many
in so many ways
“My eyes are leaking”
(Robin Williams as the alien on “Mork and Mindy”)
No Laughing Matter: a Tribute to Robin Williams
Robin Williams fans mourn the loss of one of the greatest comedians of history today. In this world of wars, and anguish, Robin Williams made us laugh.
For Robin Williams was a most gifted comedian but Robin Williams was also Bipolar.
His Bipolar disease fed his genius. It also killed him.
His Bipolar disease gave him the ability to wildly free associate right to the heart of our funny bones. His performances were floridly manic but his alcoholism was depressed.
In truth of fact, Bipolar disease often does beget genius but far more often Bipolar Disease is the cause of suicide. The most deadly of all mental illnesses, we Bipolars see, and at times, enjoy the mania but far too often are caught in the black hole of depression.
And while fans may mourn Robin Williams, we who are Bipolar cry tears of anguish not just for one of our heroes, but also for a disease that could kill us.
Like most Bipolars suicidal thoughts and wishes are not foreign to me, just as they are not alien to many mentally ill people. But more Bipolars die from their mental illness than any of the other mental illnesses
Fans loved Robin Williams and ignored the Bipolar aspect. Mental illness is still stigmatized and talked about in hushed tones.
We who are depressed are told to “snap out of it”, “look on the bright side,” engage in “positive thinking” as if we have total control over our psyches. If anyone could look at the funny side, it was Robin Williams and yet Bipolar depression sent him to an early grave.
Pay tribute to Robin Williams by accepting Bipolar Disorder and Major Depression and, instead of stigmatizing mental illness, treat the afflicted with acceptance and empathy.
May Robin Williams rest in peace at long last!!
Nothing Changes/All is Flux
yet
wriggling strings
an optical delusion
in the dream
of Maya
3000 years ago
the Rishis said that
the world of forms
was all mind stuff
Maya
In the 20 the century
Sir James Jeans
said the universe
consists of pure thought
each thing a moving,
ever changing manifestation
of the life force
One unity
there are no boundaries
The Magic of Rhythm
Alpha brain waves cycle at 8-12 cycles per second
Alpha brain waves are present in most altered states of consciousness,
as in meditation, flow, creative states, religious experiences,
for example.
In altered states of consciousness we feel one with the earth.
The magnetic rhythms of the earth cycle at 10 cycles per second.
With alpha we plug into the rhythms of the earth,
hence a feeling of unity with our Mother.
Think
pleasure at moving to rhythms of music
as in the Indian dance video below.
Some humor is thrown in for lightness of being,
as Shah Rukh Khan and Ranbir dress as women
and try to follow the gorgeous dancing diva, Madhuri Dixit, in Indian dance.
Enjoy
and ponder the importance of cycles and rhythm!
A Universe of Patterns
when applied to sand
creates patterns
like those of snowflakes
crystals
water droplets
What patterns
does the sound of the mantra
create on
Review of Eye-locks and Other Fearsome Things: Learning to Love as a Bipolar Aspie
Kitt O’Malley over at Kittomalley.com, so generously reviewed my book on being Bipolar and Aspie and the fight for sanity and love, in a post on her blog. Kitt, a psychotherapist and mother and wife, writes about vital and informative topics pertaining to mental health, ranging from being a Bipolar parent to a relationship with God. She can also be found at @kittomalley on Twitter. A big THANK YOU to Kitt for posting this review.
Light Works
Windows into Worlds: The Lighthouse
A night of mania with no sleep
the wee hours on the computer
running on empty and
bordering on irascibility
my stirrings awaken my husband
a pre-dawn breakfast and a visit to
The Saugerties Lighthouse at 7 A.M.
What drama plays out behind lace curtains?
A beacon of light from the Inside,
Someone stirs…
Rural Reflections
Something poignant about a lone gas station out in the middle of nowhere.
Edward Hopper caught the feeling in a painting of a gas station surrounded by trees on countryside road.
The reflections of the trees in the windows is a view of another world when set against the background of colorful signage, notices, and advertisements.
Fears
In tears fighting fears, I prayed to God to speak to me and he did, moments later, through the beautiful words of Dennis Ference, at Merging Traffic…
battered and bullied
by fears that rage and roar
let us trust that we are
bigger than our fears
let us know that we are
so much more
Sir Paul McCartney on Animal Suffering
WARNING: This post is graphic in nature. I have long debated whether to post it or not. It features Paul McCartney speaking on the nightmare of slaughter houses and showing how animals are horrifically mistreated. But if we subject animals to these horrors by creating a market for meat than the very least we can do is suffer the discomfort of watching a video showing how our meat comes to our tables. Paul McCartney got me well on my way to being totally vegetarian which seems to be in the offing as I think more and more of any kind of meat as flesh of innocents.
Murdered, why?
Our beloved Gopher Tortoise Harriet, on her way back to her tunnel after eating.
Yesterday our local news, as usual, found a heinous, outrageous story about an animal that had been tortured and killed.
It had been murdered.
The animal at the center of this media firestorm, was an Endangered Gopher Tortoise.
As it was airing yesterday, I looked out the kitchen window at our beloved Harriet who was sitting under the tree, munching quietly on a tiny plant.
She looked so peaceful, so happy.
She does not know that she is one of the lucky ones.
Many in this state are not, they do not have a safe place to live where they are not disturbed.
Gopher Tortoises here are continuously being uprooted at the whim and pleasure of greedy developers who want to build new Condos, new Shopping Centers, new anything, new everything.
Just build baby!
And get ” those damn turtles out of their way, they have things to build! “
Because…
View original post 500 more words
“Everybody is identical in their secret unspoken belief…”
“…that way deep down they are different from everyone else.”[1] In recovery meetings they say that a person who thinks they are different suffers from “terminal uniqueness.” We also like to see people like this as narcissistic. This to me is a perfect expression of the tension of the opposites in our culture. On the one hand, as James Hillman said, we are put here as “acorns,” to grow into the Oak tree that only we can be. No one can be like us.
But one of the things we are taught in therapy and other places is that we are not any different than anyone else. Where do these messages come from and what are the ramifications of them both?
The thought that comes to mind is the the concept of form and its opposite, no form.
When I want to say I am like others I…
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Nature’s Prayers
Still yourself
and fold your hands
humbly
stand in awe
radiate His light
with eyes upwards
towards
the telephone
to the sky
and comtemplate
the glory that is He
Starlight, Starbright
Starlight through the skylight
Moonlight just above the roof
Fireflies flickering flames
Random to our eyes
In a dizzying mercurial display
Flitting to the tune
Of trilling frogs
And the flutter of batwings
I see goblins in the windows
Alone would be terrified
With you here beatified
By the beauty of the silence
Punctuated by the frogs
Spotlighted by the moon
And the sparkling stars
Whose dust makes up
These rented bodies we carry
While inside heartbeats
Tick away our lives
To the beat of a flashing firefly
Or a flickering star.
Chi flows, Wind Blows
Wind blows
through tree tops
bird song
wafts in breeze
flying
dead branches
fine perches
dragonfly on leg
don’t move
admire
just be
like tree
see chi
in air
spark-like
specks
tiny lights
Chi flows
wind blows
The Cycle of Life
Youth unfolding
in the bright sunlight
blossoming in shade
‘tainted’ by age
becoming fragile
the delicacy of death
From an old Dahlia series, attempting to show the robust beauty of new life as it grows older, finally reaching the unsung beauty of death.
Afraid of Love
Bipolar 1, OCD, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. These were the labels awarded me when a major breakdown at age 28 literally catapulted me into therapy. Later came yet another label, Asperger’s Syndrome. In crisis, I was given a choice: medication or a mental hospital. I chose medication.
At this point my life began. Having left behind a trail of failed relationships, I started my quest for love, this time by journeying within. For many years, I lived in a world of delusion and psychosis. Somehow I managed to keep working my job in a university library.
All along the motivation to get well arose from a partly delusional, somewhat complex, unrequited love for a woman at work. Heretofore, heterosexual I learned that I was bisexual. A surprise. Much more importantly, I learned that I had severe problems with my own identity. I was very split by Bipolar Disorder. So split I felt like two different people. Before loving anyone, I had to overcome major problems with closeness due to Asperger’s Syndrome.
I thought I had found someone to love but love was not to come until I struggled through 7 years of hard therapeutic work. I had to start from scratch. When love came, it came in the form of a man. He became my husband of 25 years, Thomas.
My book, “Eye-locks and Other Fearsome Things“, chronicles the journey just pre-breakdown through psychosis, towards some semblance of sanity. It closes with my finally finding love. And though it starts off with insanity, it addresses the very human problems of intimacy and fear of closeness. Meant to give hope to the mentally ill and help enlighten their therapists, my saga may help those of the sane world who have issues with love and intimacy, not just the mentally ill.
Available on Amazon Kindle, Barnes & Noble Nook, iBooks, and Smashwords, for $2.99, my book explains what it feels like to be Bipolar and on the Autism spectrum and explores the phantasmagorical mystery of love.
One review on Amazon.com by a psychologist:
MOONSIDE 
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